Well, I thought that because Stewart had an appointment today with the dermatologist(over a month late thanks to me!), and the girls were out of school that it would be a good idea to make today a family day :)
Started out better than I expected, as the girls were both perfect angels in the waiting room at the doctor's office. Now for Karlene this is no surprise, but for those of you who know Kimber on a personal level, well let's just say Kimber and angel don't usually go in the same sentence together! Stewart got a good report (SHEW!), don't think I could of handled a not good one!
Next, lunch at our fav fast food joint ~ chick fil a, which even had a play area that I thought would wear the girls out for a quiet ride home. And last, the Ballance family tradition ~ walmart! Hardly ever leave the island that we don't find a walmart to stop at. This is where Kimber traded her halo for horns! Oh my, talk about being embarrassed! Some people gave me the oh you poor thing look, others the did you just beat that child look, and others the would you just get her out of here look. Karlene and I are almost running through the store to find Stewart, so I could let him know that I was going to take the "obnoxious" child to the car, and here he comes around the corner. He could hear Kimber screaming from half way across the store! I guess my idea of tiring her out at the play area backfired because I think she was just way too wore out. So mommy and Kimber went out to the car and waited for daddy and Karlene to check out. And YES, she screamed the entire walk to the car! Well, I tried to make a fun family day out of it. Both of the girls did fall asleep on the way home though!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
it's party time
Figured something cheerful on this blog was in order! Had a wonderful day celebrating Maddie's 3rd birthday party with pizza and cupcakes! The kids loved the indoor pool : ) Happy Birthday Maddie!! Aunt Angie loves you!
Something else that is worth giving a cheer for - my port is less sore today! YEAH!
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday! Have always loved celebrating this particular day, and this year it means even more! The night of my diagnosis as I lay in bed trying to get sleep (with no success!), the one thing that kept running through my mind was Psalm 23. This is a verse that I memorized as a young little thing, but that night only parts would come to me. So at 2 o'clock in the morning I got up and looked up the chapter. In my bible at the bottom it tells about the meanings of different chapters and verses - This is what it says about Psalm 23 - a profession of joyful trust in the Lord. I love this! Jesus is alive! If God raised Him from the dead then surely he can get me through chemo, surgery, radiation, and surgery again! Hoping everyone has a blessed Easter! Hope the Easter bunny finds everyone tonight!
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Something else that is worth giving a cheer for - my port is less sore today! YEAH!
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday! Have always loved celebrating this particular day, and this year it means even more! The night of my diagnosis as I lay in bed trying to get sleep (with no success!), the one thing that kept running through my mind was Psalm 23. This is a verse that I memorized as a young little thing, but that night only parts would come to me. So at 2 o'clock in the morning I got up and looked up the chapter. In my bible at the bottom it tells about the meanings of different chapters and verses - This is what it says about Psalm 23 - a profession of joyful trust in the Lord. I love this! Jesus is alive! If God raised Him from the dead then surely he can get me through chemo, surgery, radiation, and surgery again! Hoping everyone has a blessed Easter! Hope the Easter bunny finds everyone tonight!
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Friday, April 22, 2011
just keeps getting better...
The title is my sarcasm coming out if you didn't quite catch that! Which news to tell first...
With her permission of course, I think the first news would be to inform everyone that my Aunt Sheila has also been diagnosed with breast cancer. As she is still in the running test and gathering information stage of things we really don't know much yet. The type is the same as mine, but if you are familiar with cancer you will know that there are many different variations of even the same types. Please add her and her family to your thoughts and prayers!
Now for updating my status! Well the pathology didn't come back as good as we had hoped, but not really any worse than we were prepared for. The lymph node biopsy showed that there is lymph node involvement and the re-excision the doctor did came back with still positive margins. So what does that all mean... well, first it means that we start chemo.
For that I had a port put in on Wed. (probably the worst part so far!!). The surgery itself was a piece of cake. I was awake, but sedated and numb! The procedure consist of inserting a needle in a vein in your neck and running it to a device about the size of a half dollar that is put in about 1-2 inches below your collar bone. After the numbness wore off, now that was when it got really fun! YEAH RIGHT!! It hurt like crazy! Had they just warned me so I could have taken medicine before the numbing went away, but NO! Why would they tell me something like that??? I guess they just think you will figure that out on your own!
So as I mentioned first is chemo, which will start the first week of May. This will take about 4 months ( I have an appointment on Monday May 2 to get the final decision on how long and often I will have chemo). Three weeks after chemo is finished then I will have surgery on the left side (mastectomy and a lymph node dissection, or removal of lymph nodes). Then I will start radiation treatments. Once I am finished with radiation I will have about a six month break and then a final surgery (right side mastectomy and reconstruction of both sides).
Some of you may be thinking if there is no cancer in the right side, why the proactive surgery?? Well, there are a few reasons. One, the genetics test is a little questionable. If you are keeping up with this blog you will remember that when it comes to me nothing is ever SIMPLE!! So the genetics test was not really a yes or no, but more a strong probability that there is a genetic link. This being the case it makes for a higher percentage that I would at some point get cancer in the other side. Reason two, I had actually made the decision to do the right side before we even got the genetic test results back. I asked the doctor if I had elective surgery on the right, what were my chances of not getting cancer again, and she said 95%. Well, from where I'm sitting, or where I was sitting at the time, that sounded like pretty good odds to me. I DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!! So for someone not in my shoes I can see where they may think the idea a little crazy, but for me I plan to do everything in my power so see my kids grow up! and grand kids, even though I hope that's a long way off!
I hope I explained all that well enough! If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. I think you can leave comments, but to do so I think you have to click on one specific title or post, and down at the very bottom of it there should be a place where you can post a comment!?!? If anyone has more info on that you can let me know as this is all still new to me. Prayers and thoughts are certainly appreciated, as this is going to be a long, hard road. I plan to keep up with the blog as much as possible. I will face this battle with a positive attitude, strength, courage, and most importantly God! That does not mean that there won't be tough and hard times, but I know God will help me through them. I don't look forward to what the next few months hold for me but at the same time I don't fear my future - God has given me PEACE!
With her permission of course, I think the first news would be to inform everyone that my Aunt Sheila has also been diagnosed with breast cancer. As she is still in the running test and gathering information stage of things we really don't know much yet. The type is the same as mine, but if you are familiar with cancer you will know that there are many different variations of even the same types. Please add her and her family to your thoughts and prayers!
Now for updating my status! Well the pathology didn't come back as good as we had hoped, but not really any worse than we were prepared for. The lymph node biopsy showed that there is lymph node involvement and the re-excision the doctor did came back with still positive margins. So what does that all mean... well, first it means that we start chemo.
For that I had a port put in on Wed. (probably the worst part so far!!). The surgery itself was a piece of cake. I was awake, but sedated and numb! The procedure consist of inserting a needle in a vein in your neck and running it to a device about the size of a half dollar that is put in about 1-2 inches below your collar bone. After the numbness wore off, now that was when it got really fun! YEAH RIGHT!! It hurt like crazy! Had they just warned me so I could have taken medicine before the numbing went away, but NO! Why would they tell me something like that??? I guess they just think you will figure that out on your own!
So as I mentioned first is chemo, which will start the first week of May. This will take about 4 months ( I have an appointment on Monday May 2 to get the final decision on how long and often I will have chemo). Three weeks after chemo is finished then I will have surgery on the left side (mastectomy and a lymph node dissection, or removal of lymph nodes). Then I will start radiation treatments. Once I am finished with radiation I will have about a six month break and then a final surgery (right side mastectomy and reconstruction of both sides).
Some of you may be thinking if there is no cancer in the right side, why the proactive surgery?? Well, there are a few reasons. One, the genetics test is a little questionable. If you are keeping up with this blog you will remember that when it comes to me nothing is ever SIMPLE!! So the genetics test was not really a yes or no, but more a strong probability that there is a genetic link. This being the case it makes for a higher percentage that I would at some point get cancer in the other side. Reason two, I had actually made the decision to do the right side before we even got the genetic test results back. I asked the doctor if I had elective surgery on the right, what were my chances of not getting cancer again, and she said 95%. Well, from where I'm sitting, or where I was sitting at the time, that sounded like pretty good odds to me. I DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!! So for someone not in my shoes I can see where they may think the idea a little crazy, but for me I plan to do everything in my power so see my kids grow up! and grand kids, even though I hope that's a long way off!
I hope I explained all that well enough! If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. I think you can leave comments, but to do so I think you have to click on one specific title or post, and down at the very bottom of it there should be a place where you can post a comment!?!? If anyone has more info on that you can let me know as this is all still new to me. Prayers and thoughts are certainly appreciated, as this is going to be a long, hard road. I plan to keep up with the blog as much as possible. I will face this battle with a positive attitude, strength, courage, and most importantly God! That does not mean that there won't be tough and hard times, but I know God will help me through them. I don't look forward to what the next few months hold for me but at the same time I don't fear my future - God has given me PEACE!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Appointments Today
Off to Chapel Hill for appointments today, one to find out pathology results and the other to get my port put in. Please pray for awesome results :)
Mom is making the trip with me today, so planning to make some fun girly shopping stops along the way! Will update tomorrow when I return! (with that awesome news, of course!!)
Mom is making the trip with me today, so planning to make some fun girly shopping stops along the way! Will update tomorrow when I return! (with that awesome news, of course!!)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
the simple things
I must say I am glad that there isn't much pain. The incision under the arm is sore but that's about it. The worse part today is that having to sit in the house and do just about nothing makes you think about things. Maybe a little too much thinking! Kind of makes you a little angry that you can't do the simple things. Don't get me wrong ~ I still know I am in God's hands and that all things are in His plan, and I also know that me having a positive attitude is one of my biggest allies. I still have the positive attitude and the I'll kick cancers butt attitude, but I do feel entitled to a little sulking! Simple things to me today would be... taking a shower,washing my hair, and giving my kids a bath. Things that most of the time I take for granted, and most of the time do out of obligation, but today these are things I would cherish! Thank God that I have my parents, and my sister who are incredible to take care of the girls!
Ok, enough sulking! Going to TRY work tomorrow. May be a little harder than I thought with this ace bandage wrapped around me like a pig in a blanket! But need to get out of the house and try to be productive for a little while.
Back to the doctor on Wednesday, I will be getting my port (not looking forward to this) and pathology results! Fingers crossed that reports are good! Chemo will be starting in the next few weeks. Trying to prepare the girls for all that will come with that territory! Who am I kidding? I'm trying to prepare myself!
My words of wisdom today: CHERISH THE SIMPLE THINGS!!
Ok, enough sulking! Going to TRY work tomorrow. May be a little harder than I thought with this ace bandage wrapped around me like a pig in a blanket! But need to get out of the house and try to be productive for a little while.
Back to the doctor on Wednesday, I will be getting my port (not looking forward to this) and pathology results! Fingers crossed that reports are good! Chemo will be starting in the next few weeks. Trying to prepare the girls for all that will come with that territory! Who am I kidding? I'm trying to prepare myself!
My words of wisdom today: CHERISH THE SIMPLE THINGS!!
Friday, April 15, 2011
home again, home again
Anyone that knows Stewart and I are probably aware of the bad karma that follows us everywhere. Well, this trip would be no different. The hospital was supposed to call me on my cell phone between 1-4 on Wed. to let us know what time we needed to be at the hospital Thursday morning. At 4:45 hadn't heard anything, so I was a little worried considering we were already almost to Chapel Hill! After making a few calls we learned they had left a message on our home phone (alot of good that was gonna do us).
After getting that all straight, we were off to have dinner with one of the best couples I have ever met. Tracey ~ Thank you for opening your heart and home to someone you had never met. You are truly an inspiration to me. I am thankful that I can call you my friend, and one day soon ~ my survivor sister!
So it's Thursday morning and we are to report to the hospital at 8:45, which we actually get there at 8:30. Check-in and we sit and wait, and we wait, and we wait. At 10:00, a nurse comes around to check on all the family members waiting for people in surgery and sees me still sitting with my band on my arm. She says "Are you here for surgery?" In which I reply "yeah!" So she asks me my name and tells me we were supposed to be over at radiology at 9:00. Funny that the receptionist who checked us in didn't bother to tell us that, and she then blamed her mistake on the poor new girl! We actually weren't surprised because as mentioned in the beginning we have this bad karma that seems to always be following us. From that point all the pre-op stuff goes pretty good. (well as good as getting stuck with lots of needles can) The surgery itself went well, at least that's what the doctor told Stewart. The waking up from surgery however was a completely different matter! HOLY COW, it hurt! Not that I thought an incision under the arm pit was going to be fun, but I at least thought when you first woke up they would have you all doped up. Kuddos to the nurse that made sure I was quickly given pain meds, and turned and almost overnight stay into a somewhat tolerable ride home.
So by the time we get home it's pretty late, I think I will just take my meds and go to bed. Well, so much for thinking ~ as I laid down to go to bed I get a really bad pain in the middle of my chest. By the way I didn't mention that they have me wrapped in an ace bandage so tight that I can bearly breathe, and taking a deep breath is almost impossible. Well the only way to relieve the pain is to take deep breaths. Every time I would dose off the pain would come back and I was back to struggling through deep breaths again. Made it through the night even though I got no sleep and almost woke Stewart for a ride to the ER! (as I had convinced myself I was having a heart attack!) Thankfully the pain eased this morning, and although I have been really sore, I am doing MUCH better! Results from the surgeries should be back late next week and I will keep everyone posted! Thanks for all the prayers, good wishes, and support! God has truly blessed us with the BEST family and friends! Love Ya, Angie
After getting that all straight, we were off to have dinner with one of the best couples I have ever met. Tracey ~ Thank you for opening your heart and home to someone you had never met. You are truly an inspiration to me. I am thankful that I can call you my friend, and one day soon ~ my survivor sister!
So it's Thursday morning and we are to report to the hospital at 8:45, which we actually get there at 8:30. Check-in and we sit and wait, and we wait, and we wait. At 10:00, a nurse comes around to check on all the family members waiting for people in surgery and sees me still sitting with my band on my arm. She says "Are you here for surgery?" In which I reply "yeah!" So she asks me my name and tells me we were supposed to be over at radiology at 9:00. Funny that the receptionist who checked us in didn't bother to tell us that, and she then blamed her mistake on the poor new girl! We actually weren't surprised because as mentioned in the beginning we have this bad karma that seems to always be following us. From that point all the pre-op stuff goes pretty good. (well as good as getting stuck with lots of needles can) The surgery itself went well, at least that's what the doctor told Stewart. The waking up from surgery however was a completely different matter! HOLY COW, it hurt! Not that I thought an incision under the arm pit was going to be fun, but I at least thought when you first woke up they would have you all doped up. Kuddos to the nurse that made sure I was quickly given pain meds, and turned and almost overnight stay into a somewhat tolerable ride home.
So by the time we get home it's pretty late, I think I will just take my meds and go to bed. Well, so much for thinking ~ as I laid down to go to bed I get a really bad pain in the middle of my chest. By the way I didn't mention that they have me wrapped in an ace bandage so tight that I can bearly breathe, and taking a deep breath is almost impossible. Well the only way to relieve the pain is to take deep breaths. Every time I would dose off the pain would come back and I was back to struggling through deep breaths again. Made it through the night even though I got no sleep and almost woke Stewart for a ride to the ER! (as I had convinced myself I was having a heart attack!) Thankfully the pain eased this morning, and although I have been really sore, I am doing MUCH better! Results from the surgeries should be back late next week and I will keep everyone posted! Thanks for all the prayers, good wishes, and support! God has truly blessed us with the BEST family and friends! Love Ya, Angie
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Chapel Hill Bound
Let me just start by saying "THANK YOU" to my wonderful parents! They both have been super loving and supportive, but they also take care of my two pride and joys when I have to be away! That makes being away so much easier (of course most of the time they would rather be at mom mom's and paw paw's anyway!)
Thank you to all our family who have helped, offered to help, been thinking about us and praying for us! You all mean so much to us!
Last but certainly not least are the absolutely BEST people a girl could work for and with! I believe with all my heart that God has placed each and everyone of us in that office for a specific purpose! You are all AMAZING! Thank You!!!
Now, I am off to Chapel Hill for surgery on Thursday. Two different procedures, both of which we should have results mid - late next week! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!
Thank you to all our family who have helped, offered to help, been thinking about us and praying for us! You all mean so much to us!
Last but certainly not least are the absolutely BEST people a girl could work for and with! I believe with all my heart that God has placed each and everyone of us in that office for a specific purpose! You are all AMAZING! Thank You!!!
Now, I am off to Chapel Hill for surgery on Thursday. Two different procedures, both of which we should have results mid - late next week! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!
Monday, April 11, 2011
a daughters view
My Mom Has BREAST CANCER
Hi my name is Karlene Ballance and my mom wrote a blog for breast cancer only because she has breast cancer and she’s always on the phone with the doctors. If you want to check it out go to keepingballance.blogspot.com to check it out. If any of you out there have any family members or friends that have cancer, I know what it feels like. But they will get better you should always now that they count on you to. That’s what my mom always did to me she counted on me to help when she needed it. She counts on me.
Wise beyond her years! I count on her alot and she never complains! She is the best daughter anyone could ask for! I love you Karlene, and thank you for being the most helpful little girl a mom could ask for!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
where we are now
We, yes I said WE! This is a battle that is not only mine but also my husband's. Who by the way has been cracking jokes like he is a stand up comedian! God love him, he has been solid as a rock when I have had moments of falling all to pieces! Those moments are fewer between now that we are making a game plan and following through with it. Had appointments this week in Chapel Hill at the UNC Cancer Center. LOVED my team of doctors! I have two outpatient surgeries scheduled for this week, which will help my doctors in determining exactly what we are dealing with. I already know that I will have to have chemo. Karlene is handling this as if everthing is totally cool. Kimber on the other hand, is positive we are joking with her about mommy losing her hair! Mommy wishes!
I believe that God has a plan for my life. . . I don't think that means I have to like going through the battles! Two things that I want to come of this as of now: 1. If I have to lose my hair, I hope it is long enough to go to Locks of Love, and 2. I want young women to be aware of the importance of doing self exams, and if it takes my going through this to save someone else's life, then maybe that is God's plan.
I believe that God has a plan for my life. . . I don't think that means I have to like going through the battles! Two things that I want to come of this as of now: 1. If I have to lose my hair, I hope it is long enough to go to Locks of Love, and 2. I want young women to be aware of the importance of doing self exams, and if it takes my going through this to save someone else's life, then maybe that is God's plan.
getting caught up to speed
Well for those who don't know... I have breast cancer! Yup, was a shock to me too. At my age, my risk factor for getting breast cancer was less than .3%! CRAZY RIGHT! Is that supposed to mean my luck is good or bad? OK, first things first. I found a lump! A big one! Not there one night, and there the next. Normally I am the wait and it will just go away kind of person. Thank God I didn't follow my norm on this one. Had an appointment the next day at the ob/gyn office. They scheduled a mammo/ ultrasound and made me an appointment with a surgeon (just a precaution anytime someone has a lump). The lump turned out to be a cyst (a fluid filled sac), that is annoying as heck but really no harm. Because of the size of the cyst the surgeon wanted me to have it drained, which I did. At the end of the procedure the radiologist went back with the ultrasound to make sure the cyst wall looked like it should after being drained and well, guess what he found... a second mass! (which he determined to be a tumor) At this point he suggested I talk to the surgeon about doing a biopsy, YEAH RIGHT! I wanted this stuff removed. The surgery to remove the tumor and what was left of the cyst was on Wed. March 23rd. Monday March 28th was my first day back to work and at lunch time I got a call saying my pathology had come back and it wasn't good. Never what you want to hear on the phone! Since that day my life has been a roller coaster ride! But through it all, somehow God has given me a peace that has allowed me to face this with humor, grace, and strength that only He could grant! And I have a pretty fantastic group of family and friends that make it a whole lot easier as well : )
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