surgery sooner than expected

The last two weeks have been pretty busy... Kimber had an appointment in Greenville with the pediatric dentist. She has had some work that we knew needed to be done, but have put it off until my health issues were more stable. The dentist felt that even though she is a great patient, with what we needed to do that it would be best to have her work done at the surgicenter and have her put to sleep. If you have followed my blog all along you know that even after all I have been through that being put to sleep is still the one thing that I fear. Of course, I fear it when it is me going under, but I REALLY didn't care for the idea of my daughter being put under. However, I decided that it would be best for her and we scheduled her surgery for this past Wednesday. Normally it would take weeks for an opening in the surgery schedule but the day we were there for her appointment they had a cancellation that allowed us to get in the next week. Thinking at the time that my next surgery would be March 13, it seemed this was all working out great to be done before I would be out of commission again. Her surgery went well and she was able to head home the same afternoon.

While in the waiting room, stressing over my daughter being put to sleep and having surgery... I get a phone call from Dr. CP's office (my ob/gyn oncology doctor), the doctor who will be doing the surgery to remove my ovaries. They have rescheduled my surgery for March 5. WHAT?!?! Guess it really was a good thing they were able to get Kimber in as quickly as they did, because with that one phone call my surgery has been moved up eight whole days. Ultimately it doesn't really make a difference. The only reason we waited until March was for insurance purposes so as long as the date stays in March, I guess the sooner I get it over with the better. This will allow me to have a little more recuperating time between this surgery and the one that will follow this one at the end of May. The surgery itself doesn't really seem to much of a concern for me but how things will be after this surgery concerns me a lot. The fact that this surgery will cause menopause and because of my history I am unable to take hormones to help with the symptoms of menopause I'm a little worried about how this is all going to go. I guess we will see! This surgery should be outpatient. So I am hoping to be home that evening. There is always a chance that they may end up having to do more than they originally thought which could change the type of surgery and the amount of time I have to stay in the hospital, but we are going to think positive. I'm not looking forward to being out of work AGAIN! I will be so glad when life is completely back to normal!! Unless there are any changes I will probably not post until surgery is over. Please continue to keep me in your prayers! Hopefully will be posting all positive things next week when I am back home!

just updating

All is still going well... have appointments in Chapel Hill tomorrow so I will be heading out today. Had a great weekend celebrating my baby girls birthday! Not looking forward to traveling with the current weather conditions :(   Sorry I'm going to miss Karlene's basketball game today. Have a great week and I'll update again soon!

a different me

I'm not sure that I've told anyone this yet, but this last year has been really SCARY! Don't get me wrong ~ from the beginning God gave me a peace that I still can't quite grasp or understand, but was that peace because all would be OK? or because He would take care of what was left behind? The thought of my daughters having to grow up without me was always somewhere in the back of my mind even if I didn't let it show. I think no matter how positive we try to be, there is always self-doubt. Always these little thoughts that pop up when we least expect them, to pull us down into a dark pit. Saying "I'm fine" is not to make others believe that your world isn't falling down around you... it's to make you believe it!

This post really comes from the fact that after pondering my life over the last few weeks I realize that even though I am still me ~ I'm a different me. This past year has taught me so much about myself. The way you look at things is so different when you have faced something as scary as I have. I think you expect more out of life because you realize how precious every second is and you appreciate the time you have so much more. The hardest thing about making it through a situation and it changing your life is realizing that even though you've changed most of your life stays the same. I'm still figuring out the new me. It will take some time to put all of what has happened (and still happening) into neat little categories that I can sort and organize. Once I'm finished ~ I think the new me will be a better me!

For now I'm doing well! Still have some pain with the ovaries but it seems to come and go and is controlled with OTC meds. Life is busy ~ but I wouldn't know how to live any other way! Karlene is playing basketball and is in girl scouts. Kimber has a birthday Monday ~ she will be 5! My baby will be going off to "big" school this fall. I have been going to the gym a few times a week and plan to continue with that until my next scheduled surgery in March. Big plans for the weekend include watching the Superbowl (yes I am a huge sports fan) but as my team is not playing I haven't decided who I will be cheering for... Happy Weekend!