decisions, decisions

I have been trying to write this post for a few days... and I still don't know what to say or where to start!!

Wednesday I had appointments in Chapel Hill, a surgery post-op, labs & appt. with the radiation oncologist. The fluid build-up was a big enough concern that a needle was inserted to try to drain the fluid. I say "try" because even though there is obviously fluid in there, it wouldn't come out! So needless to say it is still there. Whether it is cause for concern ~ well that is any one's guess because one doctor thought it was and the other said it wasn't. I plan on discussing this with my medical oncologist early next week. The other concern was the lack of mobility and pain in my arm, which I learned is called auxiliary web syndrome. Motrin and heat compresses, along with vigorous stretching (which is painful!!) are hopefully going to get the mobility to a level that radiation can be started. My lab appointment was to get blood work and also to flush my port which at that point had not been used or accessed for about six weeks. The port should be flushed about every 4-6 weeks, and with it not being used it could be difficult to draw blood from it. Everything was great! Blood came out with no problems at all! Now for the news from the radiation oncologist...

First let me note that this is the first visit that I have had with this doctor, and the one appointment that I had with the other radiation oncologist was six months ago when I was first diagnosed. Six months ago when I first met with the doctor our discussion on treatment included having radiation done in Nags Head. Well, after two surgeries and a positive lymph node... things change. So this is where making decisions start. The new radiation oncologist strongly feels that my radiation treatments should be done in Chapel Hill. Why? The main reason has to do with having to do radiation on my left side, which is the side with my heart. Another concern is that I am in my early 30's and usually these are treatments that are being done on patients in their late 40's and older. She also feels that the equipment is more state of the art, and that the "team" that would be responsible for my care would have access to technology that would allow them to minimize damage that could occur from treatment. I completely agree with all the points that the doctor brought to my attention, and totally understand the concern with transferring my treatments out to a different location. Let me just throw in here that treatments are daily, Monday through Friday, and they would be for about six weeks. So to sum all of that up in a short little bit... I either live in Chapel Hill for about two months and get the "best" care possible or I get treatments in Nags Head and compromise my care. Doesn't really sound like much a decision, but more that there are lots of decisions to make in order to make this possible!

Compromising treatment at this point after all I have been through is not an option. I want to be around for lots and lots of years to come. When you look at the big picture, what is six weeks compared to the rest of my life?!?! As the doctor pointed out ~ I don't receive a gold certificate when I'm finished that says this is all done and I will never have a recurrence or complications from the treatments that I have had, but she can say that if I receive the best care, that the chances of recurrence or complications are drastically less.I have an appointment in a few days with my medical oncologist, who I think will be helpful and insightful as to the decisions that I am faced with.

Worrying about things is natural. However I know that God is in control, and He has brought me through this journey and I know He will see me through to the end. So many times in the last six months I have seen things fall into place when I didn't know how in the world they would. So I have to trust that He will make a way for what is best to happen.