Well, technically I could already be home. And I'm hoping that everyone has been too busy with their Thanksgiving celebrations to realize how long it has been since my last post! Lack of internet and having a crazy week and a half would be my excuses except as supportive as everyone has been through this journey I feel that NO excuse is too good to go so long without giving an update. So for that I'm sorry!!
Tuesday was the last of my 32 radiation treatments. It still hasn't hit me that I'm actually done. Not only done with radiation treatment but DONE with all treatment! I still have surgery to go, but as far as this cancer thing is concerned I have no more treatments of any kind. Considering my arm pit and scar area look like a piece of meat that has been left on the grill for way too long, I am counting my blessings that it is over. On the scale of best or worse case scenario I would say I am probably in the middle. Some of the stories from other women certainly enlightened me to the fact that it could have been worse. Then there is the one unspoken truth that lingers around the waiting room every day ~ at least we are here to endure treatment. There are still too many women and men who die from this monster called breast cancer.
Tuesday was also Kimber's last day at her "new school". I knew that from the first meeting I had with the schools director that this was the place she was meant to be while we were in Chapel Hill. What I didn't know was the extent of the impact she had on them and they had on her. I don't think she completely understands that her time with them has come to an end, but they have left a mark on our hearts that will always be there. Having lived in one place my entire life (and not just any place ~ paradise), I wasn't sure what to expect from the city, or the people. What we found was strangers that quickly became what is now known as our "Chapel Hill family".
Thanksgiving morning was spent in the kitchen with my little helpers. Each making their own pumpkin pie (hope nobody noticed the egg shells?!?!). Ha Ha! Just kidding! They are both quite the little chefs. Turkey and fixings were served for lunch (or as my husband still tries to convince us ~ dinner), and the afternoon was spent being lazy, napping and watching TV. Leftovers heated up for supper, and then relaxing and watching some football. A perfect day! A peaceful day!
So we are going home, probably tomorrow, and come Monday it will be back to our "normal" routine. Not that normal will probably be even close to what normal used to be, but we are going to try. It is almost a little scary to think that after going from one awful kind of treatment to another, that now there is nothing. Nothing I can do to stay healthy and keep it from coming back. At least the last eight months I felt as though I was doing what needed to be done to get better, but now it seems even more out of my control. In some ways this may be harder for me than what I have endured on my journey to health. That constant nagging in the back of your mind that reminds you that at anytime your world could be turned upside down... AGAIN! I guess you could say this is where my faith will really be tested. I believe God brought me through this, and I believe He brought me through it for a reason. So no matter what my future holds I have to put my trust and faith in HIM! We were never promised that life would be easy, but the way we handle the mountains and valleys is completely up to us. I choose to live life! Live it happy and full, and deal with whatever comes the best I can.
Hope everyone had a wonderful family filled Thanksgiving! Sorry again for the delayed post! Happy weekend, and back to the grind on Monday!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
down to single digits
Amazingly Friday's treatment went very well! If I were a superstitious person I would certainly bet that it had everything to do with the fact that I took the techs and the doctor cupcakes... and it might be worth bringing them again to see if it works! Status check with my doctor was right on with what my calculations have been. He wanted me to complete seven more treatments. I would have only had six, but because we have had so much trouble with the machine he wanted to add one extra at the end. He was afraid I may not let him have his cupcake after he told me, but as long as I will be done before Thanksgiving, all is well!! He has assured me that will not be a problem!
After today's treatment only six more to go! Doesn't seem like six weeks ago that I was stressed about how I was going to manage 30 (make that 31) radiation treatments five hours from home. Wish I could say today's treatment went as well as Friday, but it didn't. Oh well!! This journey has taught me patience in a way that nothing else possibly could have.
Looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving next week! A little sad that I won't be at home with all my family, but so glad that I will be with my husband and my girls! I'm sure the timing of my treatments being finished is not a coincidence. What better time to celebrate the end of another battle in this journey than the Thanksgiving holiday?? There is no doubt that this Thanksgiving will have a meaning that no other has had before!
After today's treatment only six more to go! Doesn't seem like six weeks ago that I was stressed about how I was going to manage 30 (make that 31) radiation treatments five hours from home. Wish I could say today's treatment went as well as Friday, but it didn't. Oh well!! This journey has taught me patience in a way that nothing else possibly could have.
Looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving next week! A little sad that I won't be at home with all my family, but so glad that I will be with my husband and my girls! I'm sure the timing of my treatments being finished is not a coincidence. What better time to celebrate the end of another battle in this journey than the Thanksgiving holiday?? There is no doubt that this Thanksgiving will have a meaning that no other has had before!
Friday, November 11, 2011
week 5
Week five in Chapel Hill...
Started off at home a little longer than we usually get. Hospital needed to change my appointment to Monday afternoon (hoping that calibrating the machine before my appt. would make it go "normal"). I was able to get Karlene off to school, something that I haven't been able to do in over a month :) Also got to stop in to visit my work family!!
Monday's appointment went pretty smooth, so we thought that whatever had been causing things to not go as planned had possibly been fixed. BUT this is Angie we are talking about... so Tuesday's appointment was still quicker than the last few weeks but things got a little bumpy and I was questioning the rest of the week by the time I left. Not to get too technical but Tuesday was a bolus day, which means they have to place the thick sticky stuff on my skin. For some reason this seems to cause the machine even more problems than the days that we don't have to put the bolus on. Wednesday my actual treatment was pretty close to the way it was the day before (little bumpy but still with-in normal limits), but my check-in didn't get reported to the techs at my machine so I waited in the waiting area for over an hour before they realized that I was there!! I think I surprised them, as I was still smiling when they brought me back... even after waiting that long. Now Thursday, that's another story! I get on the machine and everything is going great (this is a bolus day), the techs go out to start treatment and the machine breaks!! No I'm not kidding! So they have to take the bolus off, and I get back in my gown and go back to the waiting area while they try to fix the problem. A little bit later they come back and got me and lined me up, and got the bolus back on and then I don't line up correctly. Which is back to the problem we previously had. Over an hour later I am finally finished. But I'm still smiling!!
So we are on our way today for treatment, and I'm wondering how it's going to go???? Also have a status check with the doctor today. Maybe we can figure out exactly why things aren't going as they should... even though I still say it's probably just because it's me!! :)
Started off at home a little longer than we usually get. Hospital needed to change my appointment to Monday afternoon (hoping that calibrating the machine before my appt. would make it go "normal"). I was able to get Karlene off to school, something that I haven't been able to do in over a month :) Also got to stop in to visit my work family!!
Monday's appointment went pretty smooth, so we thought that whatever had been causing things to not go as planned had possibly been fixed. BUT this is Angie we are talking about... so Tuesday's appointment was still quicker than the last few weeks but things got a little bumpy and I was questioning the rest of the week by the time I left. Not to get too technical but Tuesday was a bolus day, which means they have to place the thick sticky stuff on my skin. For some reason this seems to cause the machine even more problems than the days that we don't have to put the bolus on. Wednesday my actual treatment was pretty close to the way it was the day before (little bumpy but still with-in normal limits), but my check-in didn't get reported to the techs at my machine so I waited in the waiting area for over an hour before they realized that I was there!! I think I surprised them, as I was still smiling when they brought me back... even after waiting that long. Now Thursday, that's another story! I get on the machine and everything is going great (this is a bolus day), the techs go out to start treatment and the machine breaks!! No I'm not kidding! So they have to take the bolus off, and I get back in my gown and go back to the waiting area while they try to fix the problem. A little bit later they come back and got me and lined me up, and got the bolus back on and then I don't line up correctly. Which is back to the problem we previously had. Over an hour later I am finally finished. But I'm still smiling!!
So we are on our way today for treatment, and I'm wondering how it's going to go???? Also have a status check with the doctor today. Maybe we can figure out exactly why things aren't going as they should... even though I still say it's probably just because it's me!! :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
seven months...
Tomorrow marks seven months since the phone call that would forever change my life and the life of my family. So many emotions are running through me as I write this entry. I never thought of myself as being a weak person but sitting here typing I look back and wonder exactly what I was before cancer. You see, I'm not really the kind of person to "toot" my own horn, but I realize as I reminisce over the past seven months that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. Don't get me wrong ~ it has not all been smooth sailing. In the last seven months I have had four surgeries, four months of chemo, almost four weeks of radiation (and still over two weeks to go), several other procedures, and countless tests, scans, and labs. Even half of which would be enough to test a person's sanity. Not that I'm claiming to be sane, that is still questionable I'm sure. During this "bump in the road" there have been times that I have cried, questioned, gotten mad and angry, let it all out and kept it all in. But there have also been times that I have smiled, laughed, and been blessed beyond belief. I have not walked this rocky, mountainous road alone, and all the wonderful blessing that have come out of it are because of my family, friends, an awesome community, and my faith in God.
What a better time to reflect on the blessing than the month of November when we have Thanksgiving?? Of course there are too many blessing to actually name them all, but I think there are a few that are worth stating. My family ~ my husband, my daughters, my parents, grandparents (on earth and in heaven), my sister and her family, aunts and uncles and cousins (way too many to name!!), my co-workers (who are really an extension of family), and friends. I am also thankful and blessed for the community that has rallied around me and my family in so many ways. All the prayers, thoughts, good wishes, cards, and financial support is appreciated more than I could ever express. Thank you!! I am lastly thankful for the team of doctors, nurses, techs, and other important people in the medical field that have been in charge of my care. I have no doubt that God put each and every one of them in the exact place, at the exact time that their lives collided with mine.
Writing this blog has been such a great experience for me. Kind of like writing all the details down make them more real. I try to write in the most honest way possible. What I am feeling and when I am feeling it. Since radiation has started I have fallen into a bit of a routine so it doesn't seem there is as much to relay, but it helps to clear my mind when I recount even the most mundane of my weeks details. In the future I will be able to look back and realize that I actually lived all of this stuff that I write each week. It all seems like a dream that you are trying to wake up from. Maybe a defense mechanism ~ but it seems as if my mind shuts itself off from the rest of my body. That the physical changes that have occurred don't get processed through my brain. I can see them with my eyes but my mind doesn't accept or acknowledge that the changes are really happening. That may be the only way you are able to live with them (and thankfully most of the physical changes are only temporary!).
So how has week four of chapel hill been? We went trick or treating Monday night with a family friend and her children. An especially nice treat considering I used to babysit for her when she lived in Hatteras. Radiation has been a little challenging. The computer still doesn't want to cooperate, which means that treatments are having to be done the old fashioned way. It takes about an hour instead of 10 - 15 minutes. Not that I really care because my day consists only of taking Kimber to school, going to treatment and then picking her up again. I think the techs are more frustrated then I am. My skin is starting to show the signs that it is being hammered with high doses of radiation on a daily basis. Thank goodness that is temporary and will heal once I am all done. Kimber is still enjoying school and really liking her new friends and teachers.
The girls had a really nice time at the pageant this past weekend. What a special honor to be recognized for being an inspiration to others! I hope that my girls are as proud of me as I am of them. They, along with all the other girls rocked the stage! So off we go to continue to Keep the Ballance...
What a better time to reflect on the blessing than the month of November when we have Thanksgiving?? Of course there are too many blessing to actually name them all, but I think there are a few that are worth stating. My family ~ my husband, my daughters, my parents, grandparents (on earth and in heaven), my sister and her family, aunts and uncles and cousins (way too many to name!!), my co-workers (who are really an extension of family), and friends. I am also thankful and blessed for the community that has rallied around me and my family in so many ways. All the prayers, thoughts, good wishes, cards, and financial support is appreciated more than I could ever express. Thank you!! I am lastly thankful for the team of doctors, nurses, techs, and other important people in the medical field that have been in charge of my care. I have no doubt that God put each and every one of them in the exact place, at the exact time that their lives collided with mine.
Writing this blog has been such a great experience for me. Kind of like writing all the details down make them more real. I try to write in the most honest way possible. What I am feeling and when I am feeling it. Since radiation has started I have fallen into a bit of a routine so it doesn't seem there is as much to relay, but it helps to clear my mind when I recount even the most mundane of my weeks details. In the future I will be able to look back and realize that I actually lived all of this stuff that I write each week. It all seems like a dream that you are trying to wake up from. Maybe a defense mechanism ~ but it seems as if my mind shuts itself off from the rest of my body. That the physical changes that have occurred don't get processed through my brain. I can see them with my eyes but my mind doesn't accept or acknowledge that the changes are really happening. That may be the only way you are able to live with them (and thankfully most of the physical changes are only temporary!).
So how has week four of chapel hill been? We went trick or treating Monday night with a family friend and her children. An especially nice treat considering I used to babysit for her when she lived in Hatteras. Radiation has been a little challenging. The computer still doesn't want to cooperate, which means that treatments are having to be done the old fashioned way. It takes about an hour instead of 10 - 15 minutes. Not that I really care because my day consists only of taking Kimber to school, going to treatment and then picking her up again. I think the techs are more frustrated then I am. My skin is starting to show the signs that it is being hammered with high doses of radiation on a daily basis. Thank goodness that is temporary and will heal once I am all done. Kimber is still enjoying school and really liking her new friends and teachers.
The girls had a really nice time at the pageant this past weekend. What a special honor to be recognized for being an inspiration to others! I hope that my girls are as proud of me as I am of them. They, along with all the other girls rocked the stage! So off we go to continue to Keep the Ballance...
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