My Granny was taken to Outer Banks Hospital last night and is now on her way to Norfolk General. We are waiting on test results so everyone please pray for her and my family!!
Things for me have been very confusing, but after long conversations on the phone yesterday with multiple doctors I have finally reached a final decision. My radiation treatments will be done in Chapel Hill. I am on my way to catch the ferry now for a scan that is scheduled tomorrow. Sorry this update is short and to the point but things moved really fast after a final decision was made. Will go into more details when I return from this trip to Chapel Hill.
There is lots to still get in order to make this happen. The planned start date for treatment is Oct. 10th, which is only a little over a week away!! Please pray that everything falls into place!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
decisions, decisions
I have been trying to write this post for a few days... and I still don't know what to say or where to start!!
Wednesday I had appointments in Chapel Hill, a surgery post-op, labs & appt. with the radiation oncologist. The fluid build-up was a big enough concern that a needle was inserted to try to drain the fluid. I say "try" because even though there is obviously fluid in there, it wouldn't come out! So needless to say it is still there. Whether it is cause for concern ~ well that is any one's guess because one doctor thought it was and the other said it wasn't. I plan on discussing this with my medical oncologist early next week. The other concern was the lack of mobility and pain in my arm, which I learned is called auxiliary web syndrome. Motrin and heat compresses, along with vigorous stretching (which is painful!!) are hopefully going to get the mobility to a level that radiation can be started. My lab appointment was to get blood work and also to flush my port which at that point had not been used or accessed for about six weeks. The port should be flushed about every 4-6 weeks, and with it not being used it could be difficult to draw blood from it. Everything was great! Blood came out with no problems at all! Now for the news from the radiation oncologist...
First let me note that this is the first visit that I have had with this doctor, and the one appointment that I had with the other radiation oncologist was six months ago when I was first diagnosed. Six months ago when I first met with the doctor our discussion on treatment included having radiation done in Nags Head. Well, after two surgeries and a positive lymph node... things change. So this is where making decisions start. The new radiation oncologist strongly feels that my radiation treatments should be done in Chapel Hill. Why? The main reason has to do with having to do radiation on my left side, which is the side with my heart. Another concern is that I am in my early 30's and usually these are treatments that are being done on patients in their late 40's and older. She also feels that the equipment is more state of the art, and that the "team" that would be responsible for my care would have access to technology that would allow them to minimize damage that could occur from treatment. I completely agree with all the points that the doctor brought to my attention, and totally understand the concern with transferring my treatments out to a different location. Let me just throw in here that treatments are daily, Monday through Friday, and they would be for about six weeks. So to sum all of that up in a short little bit... I either live in Chapel Hill for about two months and get the "best" care possible or I get treatments in Nags Head and compromise my care. Doesn't really sound like much a decision, but more that there are lots of decisions to make in order to make this possible!
Compromising treatment at this point after all I have been through is not an option. I want to be around for lots and lots of years to come. When you look at the big picture, what is six weeks compared to the rest of my life?!?! As the doctor pointed out ~ I don't receive a gold certificate when I'm finished that says this is all done and I will never have a recurrence or complications from the treatments that I have had, but she can say that if I receive the best care, that the chances of recurrence or complications are drastically less.I have an appointment in a few days with my medical oncologist, who I think will be helpful and insightful as to the decisions that I am faced with.
Worrying about things is natural. However I know that God is in control, and He has brought me through this journey and I know He will see me through to the end. So many times in the last six months I have seen things fall into place when I didn't know how in the world they would. So I have to trust that He will make a way for what is best to happen.
Wednesday I had appointments in Chapel Hill, a surgery post-op, labs & appt. with the radiation oncologist. The fluid build-up was a big enough concern that a needle was inserted to try to drain the fluid. I say "try" because even though there is obviously fluid in there, it wouldn't come out! So needless to say it is still there. Whether it is cause for concern ~ well that is any one's guess because one doctor thought it was and the other said it wasn't. I plan on discussing this with my medical oncologist early next week. The other concern was the lack of mobility and pain in my arm, which I learned is called auxiliary web syndrome. Motrin and heat compresses, along with vigorous stretching (which is painful!!) are hopefully going to get the mobility to a level that radiation can be started. My lab appointment was to get blood work and also to flush my port which at that point had not been used or accessed for about six weeks. The port should be flushed about every 4-6 weeks, and with it not being used it could be difficult to draw blood from it. Everything was great! Blood came out with no problems at all! Now for the news from the radiation oncologist...
First let me note that this is the first visit that I have had with this doctor, and the one appointment that I had with the other radiation oncologist was six months ago when I was first diagnosed. Six months ago when I first met with the doctor our discussion on treatment included having radiation done in Nags Head. Well, after two surgeries and a positive lymph node... things change. So this is where making decisions start. The new radiation oncologist strongly feels that my radiation treatments should be done in Chapel Hill. Why? The main reason has to do with having to do radiation on my left side, which is the side with my heart. Another concern is that I am in my early 30's and usually these are treatments that are being done on patients in their late 40's and older. She also feels that the equipment is more state of the art, and that the "team" that would be responsible for my care would have access to technology that would allow them to minimize damage that could occur from treatment. I completely agree with all the points that the doctor brought to my attention, and totally understand the concern with transferring my treatments out to a different location. Let me just throw in here that treatments are daily, Monday through Friday, and they would be for about six weeks. So to sum all of that up in a short little bit... I either live in Chapel Hill for about two months and get the "best" care possible or I get treatments in Nags Head and compromise my care. Doesn't really sound like much a decision, but more that there are lots of decisions to make in order to make this possible!
Compromising treatment at this point after all I have been through is not an option. I want to be around for lots and lots of years to come. When you look at the big picture, what is six weeks compared to the rest of my life?!?! As the doctor pointed out ~ I don't receive a gold certificate when I'm finished that says this is all done and I will never have a recurrence or complications from the treatments that I have had, but she can say that if I receive the best care, that the chances of recurrence or complications are drastically less.I have an appointment in a few days with my medical oncologist, who I think will be helpful and insightful as to the decisions that I am faced with.
Worrying about things is natural. However I know that God is in control, and He has brought me through this journey and I know He will see me through to the end. So many times in the last six months I have seen things fall into place when I didn't know how in the world they would. So I have to trust that He will make a way for what is best to happen.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
one step forward ~ two steps back
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. Kurt Vonnegut
I'm quite sure that it is normal for frustration and exhaustion to both be part of the healing process. At least that is what I'm going to keep telling myself! The physical and mental exhaustion I can handle because over time I know it will get better. It is still tiresome to get out and do much of anything, but it has only been a little over two weeks. The frustration ~ now that's a different story. You see, before this surgery I spent weeks painfully trying to recover the use of my left arm. The previous surgery caused scar tissue and nerve/muscle damage to the point that it was painful to straighten my arm or lift it hardly at all. I was successful! Throughout the process of recovering the use of that arm I worried what the outcome would be after the next surgery. Well, now I know! The mobility is limited even more than it was before the agonizing weeks of torture. I have already started on the exercises,heat,cold, and massage that will hopefully allow me to once again regain complete mobility of my arm. But it is PAINFUL! Of course, it doesn't help that when you get up in the morning you feel as though all you accomplished the day before has been completely wiped out. Always trying to be positive, I know that I could be in worse shape, and I am way to stubborn to let a little pain get in the way of being able to do the things that I love to do! So for a few weeks (possibly months) I will be slowly making progress and smiling through the pain :)
A possible second step back is that fluid has started to build-up around the incision. From everything that I have read, it seems that unless it gets to be uncomfortable the doctors prefer to give the body a chance to reabsorb the fluid because inserting a needle to drain it could cause infection. I am not certain what affect if any this has on being able to start radiation treatments, but will find out at my visit this week.
So not everything is going in the wrong direction ~ I am spending this lazy Sunday afternoon watching my favorite team play football, while I referee the constant spat of siblings. Can't imagine being anywhere else! Even though to most it would not be much to brag about ~ there is hair growth! Not even sure there is a measurement for this small an amount but it is more than it was!
Appointments this week with the surgeon for a second follow-up and with the radiation oncologist to find out how long I will have to have radiation treatments. So here's to hoping that the ferries are able to run! The price we pay to live on paradise!
Speaking of living on paradise... I would like to say a huge "THANK YOU" to Conner's Supermarket!! Every time that I have been in to shop since my surgery the employees have bagged my groceries, put them in the cart, and taken them to my car! We are truly blessed to have a business with such hometown kindness!! Thank you again to the Conner's family!!
I'm quite sure that it is normal for frustration and exhaustion to both be part of the healing process. At least that is what I'm going to keep telling myself! The physical and mental exhaustion I can handle because over time I know it will get better. It is still tiresome to get out and do much of anything, but it has only been a little over two weeks. The frustration ~ now that's a different story. You see, before this surgery I spent weeks painfully trying to recover the use of my left arm. The previous surgery caused scar tissue and nerve/muscle damage to the point that it was painful to straighten my arm or lift it hardly at all. I was successful! Throughout the process of recovering the use of that arm I worried what the outcome would be after the next surgery. Well, now I know! The mobility is limited even more than it was before the agonizing weeks of torture. I have already started on the exercises,heat,cold, and massage that will hopefully allow me to once again regain complete mobility of my arm. But it is PAINFUL! Of course, it doesn't help that when you get up in the morning you feel as though all you accomplished the day before has been completely wiped out. Always trying to be positive, I know that I could be in worse shape, and I am way to stubborn to let a little pain get in the way of being able to do the things that I love to do! So for a few weeks (possibly months) I will be slowly making progress and smiling through the pain :)
A possible second step back is that fluid has started to build-up around the incision. From everything that I have read, it seems that unless it gets to be uncomfortable the doctors prefer to give the body a chance to reabsorb the fluid because inserting a needle to drain it could cause infection. I am not certain what affect if any this has on being able to start radiation treatments, but will find out at my visit this week.
So not everything is going in the wrong direction ~ I am spending this lazy Sunday afternoon watching my favorite team play football, while I referee the constant spat of siblings. Can't imagine being anywhere else! Even though to most it would not be much to brag about ~ there is hair growth! Not even sure there is a measurement for this small an amount but it is more than it was!
Appointments this week with the surgeon for a second follow-up and with the radiation oncologist to find out how long I will have to have radiation treatments. So here's to hoping that the ferries are able to run! The price we pay to live on paradise!
Speaking of living on paradise... I would like to say a huge "THANK YOU" to Conner's Supermarket!! Every time that I have been in to shop since my surgery the employees have bagged my groceries, put them in the cart, and taken them to my car! We are truly blessed to have a business with such hometown kindness!! Thank you again to the Conner's family!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
lots to celebrate
Great news about my pathology, Karlene turned 10, Stewart and I celebrated an anniversary, and my post-op appointment went well!! The last week has been really good for the Ballance family :)
Since surgery all has been pretty good. I am slowly getting the feeling back in parts of my arm and chest (some may be permanently numb). Arm movement is still limited but I think over the next few weeks it should start to improve as I will be able to start doing some physical therapy exercises. I am trying to obey all the rules I was given but when you feel good it is hard to make yourself take it easy and slow. I'm really not the sit on the couch and take it easy kind of person! The drain tubes were bothersome, so I am very glad that the doctor took them out at my post-op appointment. I had prepared myself for this to be an uncomfortable procedure and it didn't seem as bad as I had planned. Always better to think the worst and then have it be better than you thought. The doctor does want to see me again next week. Fluid build-up is the main concern at this point. With the drains removed I hope my body is able to start reabsorbing the fluid so we won't have any problems. Radiation will be the next step but it will probably be a few weeks still, as all has to be healed well and I have to have most of my mobility back.
Stewart and I spent a good portion of our anniversary in the doctors office... waiting!! By far the longest wait I have ever had at a visit (over 1 1/2 hours), but at least we were together :) The journey that life has taken us on over the last six months proves that things aren't always easy, but nobody ever said life would be easy!
"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
Sir Hugh Walpole
We had our "divine accident" over 15 years ago, and have now been married for 13 years! Happy Anniversary Stewart! I love you!!
Since surgery all has been pretty good. I am slowly getting the feeling back in parts of my arm and chest (some may be permanently numb). Arm movement is still limited but I think over the next few weeks it should start to improve as I will be able to start doing some physical therapy exercises. I am trying to obey all the rules I was given but when you feel good it is hard to make yourself take it easy and slow. I'm really not the sit on the couch and take it easy kind of person! The drain tubes were bothersome, so I am very glad that the doctor took them out at my post-op appointment. I had prepared myself for this to be an uncomfortable procedure and it didn't seem as bad as I had planned. Always better to think the worst and then have it be better than you thought. The doctor does want to see me again next week. Fluid build-up is the main concern at this point. With the drains removed I hope my body is able to start reabsorbing the fluid so we won't have any problems. Radiation will be the next step but it will probably be a few weeks still, as all has to be healed well and I have to have most of my mobility back.
Stewart and I spent a good portion of our anniversary in the doctors office... waiting!! By far the longest wait I have ever had at a visit (over 1 1/2 hours), but at least we were together :) The journey that life has taken us on over the last six months proves that things aren't always easy, but nobody ever said life would be easy!
"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
Sir Hugh Walpole
We had our "divine accident" over 15 years ago, and have now been married for 13 years! Happy Anniversary Stewart! I love you!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR!
WooHoo!!! My oncologist just called and all the pathology came back clear! Doesn't mean the course of action will change for the coming 6-8 months, but it is AWESOME news! Praise the Lord for answering our prayers! I am officially a breast cancer SURVIVOR!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
what a wild ride
So I had surgery almost a week ago. What a wild ride this past week has been...
Stewart and my dad made it to Graham, NC the day before my surgery. Thanks to everyone who prayed for their safe and uneventful journey, as it was just that! The same day mom and I took the girls to stay with my nanny, who was staying with a sister in Lillington, NC.
Up and at it bright and early the next morning. Surgery scheduled for 8am, which meant arrival at the hospital had to be 6:15am. As mentioned in my last post ~ surgery is scary. This particular morning I was fairly calm. Not looking forward to it, but not as nervous as I would usually be. Prep for surgery went well. No they wouldn't use the port, so they placed an IV, which was less traumatic as usual. After I mentioned the nausea that I woke up with after my last surgery, they gave me a patch to wear behind my ear. May I just say that I HIGHLY recommend anyone having surgery to request this! Doctor said the surgery itself went well. Pathology will be back by my post-op appointment. Praying for good news!
Surgery required an overnight stay at the hospital, and we all know that means no sleep! Nurses came in every 3-4 hours. Even though they kept me up, I had the BEST nurses! Surprisingly the pain was not too bad. The doctor on call wouldn't give orders to take me off fluids so the nurses and I went against his orders (considering I almost overflowed the plastic thing they measure output with, we didn't think I needed any extra fluid!) Besides, what does the doctor know?? Come morning I was ready to get out and go home! Well not home, but my home away from home. Discharge never goes as quickly as you would like. After a visit with the doctor assistant and the physical therapist I was finally released.
So it's Friday and I've been released and I'm at my home away from home. All is going well, I feel great and not hurting too bad. Trying not to overdue it. After this surgery everything is numb, probably because of all the nerves that are disturbed during the surgery. I'm thinking now that this is why pain isn't as bad as you would think considering what was done. Friday evening comes and the drains that have been put in have to be emptied for the first time. This will have to be done twice daily until I return to see the doctor. Stewart is an excellent nurse. He handled the job perfectly! I'm sure glad he meant his vows when he said them because I have really put them to the test! Can't imagine what it is like to have to nurse your wife through the same illness that took your Mom's life.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling good. My mom and dad decided they were going to head back home, so I got up and was going to sit at the table and have a cup of coffee with them before they left. Let's just say I never got to have that cup of coffee. Once I was up and moving I was hurting where the tubes to my drains were inserted. I thought if I could just get the coffee and sit down it would get better, but instead I got really dizzy. What happened next... I passed out!! Woke up with everyone all around me, and worst of all I fell on my left side (surgery side and the side the tubes are inserted). As if that wasn't bad enough I lost control of my bladder too! What a way to start the day. Rest of the day was spent in bed. After inspecting the incision and the tubes it didn't seem that I had done any damage. Although later that evening I did have a little blood and we think it came from where the tubes were inserted.
From that day til now the surgery part of all of this has been better than I thought. Yeah, it's a little different not having a part of your body. The incision is pretty big and the tubes are probably the worst part. None of that really matters when you realize that this surgery means that all the cancer is GONE! Sure I still have to do radiation, and there will be one last surgery in about 8 months, but all of that is just extra measures so there is no recurrence.
With all going better than I expected I decided I was ready to make the trip home. So Monday morning we got up and headed to Stumpy Point to catch the ferry that now provides our route on island. We arrive just as they are telling everyone that the landing is broke and won't be usable for 24-48 hours. REALLY!! After 4+ hours in the car I just want to be HOME! Thankfully my sister lives in Manteo, so we headed to her house to spend the night and figure out what to do the next morning. After hearing that a ferry would run from Swanquarter to Ocracoke at 7 the following morning we decided to get up and be there in time to catch this ferry. Left my sister's about 5am on Tuesday morning and got to the Swanquarter ferry at 6:30. Just when we were pulling into the line, we get a call informing us that Stumpy Point had just started running again. REALLY!!?? So glad they worked hard to get it fixed, but wish I had known it would be up and going so quickly. After a two hour and forty five minute ferry ride to Ocracoke, and then an hour and a half wait for the ferry to run from Ocracoke to Hatteras we finally made it home. Yeah it was a wild ride, but we made it and that's all that really matters! I must say I was a little disappointed with the "priority lines". In a situation such as we were in, one would think that "priority" would have less to do with who you are or what you do for a living, and a little more about common decency and courtesy to others. Of course, that's just my opinion, and that doesn't count for much ~ just makes me feel better to say it!
Rested a lot yesterday, and I'm so glad to be HOME!! Looks like it was just in time for school to start tomorrow. I will be heading back to Chapel Hill for an appointment on Monday. Hopefully drains will be removed and we will get good pathology reports back! Now to focus on an upcoming birthday and anniversary! Karlene will be 10 years old on Saturday and I will have been married to my wonderful nurse of a husband for 13 years on Monday! Happy Birthday Karlene! and Happy Anniversary Stewart! I am blessed with the best family! They have been so helpful and I thank God for them everyday!
Stewart and my dad made it to Graham, NC the day before my surgery. Thanks to everyone who prayed for their safe and uneventful journey, as it was just that! The same day mom and I took the girls to stay with my nanny, who was staying with a sister in Lillington, NC.
Up and at it bright and early the next morning. Surgery scheduled for 8am, which meant arrival at the hospital had to be 6:15am. As mentioned in my last post ~ surgery is scary. This particular morning I was fairly calm. Not looking forward to it, but not as nervous as I would usually be. Prep for surgery went well. No they wouldn't use the port, so they placed an IV, which was less traumatic as usual. After I mentioned the nausea that I woke up with after my last surgery, they gave me a patch to wear behind my ear. May I just say that I HIGHLY recommend anyone having surgery to request this! Doctor said the surgery itself went well. Pathology will be back by my post-op appointment. Praying for good news!
Surgery required an overnight stay at the hospital, and we all know that means no sleep! Nurses came in every 3-4 hours. Even though they kept me up, I had the BEST nurses! Surprisingly the pain was not too bad. The doctor on call wouldn't give orders to take me off fluids so the nurses and I went against his orders (considering I almost overflowed the plastic thing they measure output with, we didn't think I needed any extra fluid!) Besides, what does the doctor know?? Come morning I was ready to get out and go home! Well not home, but my home away from home. Discharge never goes as quickly as you would like. After a visit with the doctor assistant and the physical therapist I was finally released.
So it's Friday and I've been released and I'm at my home away from home. All is going well, I feel great and not hurting too bad. Trying not to overdue it. After this surgery everything is numb, probably because of all the nerves that are disturbed during the surgery. I'm thinking now that this is why pain isn't as bad as you would think considering what was done. Friday evening comes and the drains that have been put in have to be emptied for the first time. This will have to be done twice daily until I return to see the doctor. Stewart is an excellent nurse. He handled the job perfectly! I'm sure glad he meant his vows when he said them because I have really put them to the test! Can't imagine what it is like to have to nurse your wife through the same illness that took your Mom's life.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling good. My mom and dad decided they were going to head back home, so I got up and was going to sit at the table and have a cup of coffee with them before they left. Let's just say I never got to have that cup of coffee. Once I was up and moving I was hurting where the tubes to my drains were inserted. I thought if I could just get the coffee and sit down it would get better, but instead I got really dizzy. What happened next... I passed out!! Woke up with everyone all around me, and worst of all I fell on my left side (surgery side and the side the tubes are inserted). As if that wasn't bad enough I lost control of my bladder too! What a way to start the day. Rest of the day was spent in bed. After inspecting the incision and the tubes it didn't seem that I had done any damage. Although later that evening I did have a little blood and we think it came from where the tubes were inserted.
From that day til now the surgery part of all of this has been better than I thought. Yeah, it's a little different not having a part of your body. The incision is pretty big and the tubes are probably the worst part. None of that really matters when you realize that this surgery means that all the cancer is GONE! Sure I still have to do radiation, and there will be one last surgery in about 8 months, but all of that is just extra measures so there is no recurrence.
With all going better than I expected I decided I was ready to make the trip home. So Monday morning we got up and headed to Stumpy Point to catch the ferry that now provides our route on island. We arrive just as they are telling everyone that the landing is broke and won't be usable for 24-48 hours. REALLY!! After 4+ hours in the car I just want to be HOME! Thankfully my sister lives in Manteo, so we headed to her house to spend the night and figure out what to do the next morning. After hearing that a ferry would run from Swanquarter to Ocracoke at 7 the following morning we decided to get up and be there in time to catch this ferry. Left my sister's about 5am on Tuesday morning and got to the Swanquarter ferry at 6:30. Just when we were pulling into the line, we get a call informing us that Stumpy Point had just started running again. REALLY!!?? So glad they worked hard to get it fixed, but wish I had known it would be up and going so quickly. After a two hour and forty five minute ferry ride to Ocracoke, and then an hour and a half wait for the ferry to run from Ocracoke to Hatteras we finally made it home. Yeah it was a wild ride, but we made it and that's all that really matters! I must say I was a little disappointed with the "priority lines". In a situation such as we were in, one would think that "priority" would have less to do with who you are or what you do for a living, and a little more about common decency and courtesy to others. Of course, that's just my opinion, and that doesn't count for much ~ just makes me feel better to say it!
Rested a lot yesterday, and I'm so glad to be HOME!! Looks like it was just in time for school to start tomorrow. I will be heading back to Chapel Hill for an appointment on Monday. Hopefully drains will be removed and we will get good pathology reports back! Now to focus on an upcoming birthday and anniversary! Karlene will be 10 years old on Saturday and I will have been married to my wonderful nurse of a husband for 13 years on Monday! Happy Birthday Karlene! and Happy Anniversary Stewart! I am blessed with the best family! They have been so helpful and I thank God for them everyday!
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