I'm not sure that I've told anyone this yet, but this last year has been really SCARY! Don't get me wrong ~ from the beginning God gave me a peace that I still can't quite grasp or understand, but was that peace because all would be OK? or because He would take care of what was left behind? The thought of my daughters having to grow up without me was always somewhere in the back of my mind even if I didn't let it show. I think no matter how positive we try to be, there is always self-doubt. Always these little thoughts that pop up when we least expect them, to pull us down into a dark pit. Saying "I'm fine" is not to make others believe that your world isn't falling down around you... it's to make you believe it!
This post really comes from the fact that after pondering my life over the last few weeks I realize that even though I am still me ~ I'm a different me. This past year has taught me so much about myself. The way you look at things is so different when you have faced something as scary as I have. I think you expect more out of life because you realize how precious every second is and you appreciate the time you have so much more. The hardest thing about making it through a situation and it changing your life is realizing that even though you've changed most of your life stays the same. I'm still figuring out the new me. It will take some time to put all of what has happened (and still happening) into neat little categories that I can sort and organize. Once I'm finished ~ I think the new me will be a better me!
For now I'm doing well! Still have some pain with the ovaries but it seems to come and go and is controlled with OTC meds. Life is busy ~ but I wouldn't know how to live any other way! Karlene is playing basketball and is in girl scouts. Kimber has a birthday Monday ~ she will be 5! My baby will be going off to "big" school this fall. I have been going to the gym a few times a week and plan to continue with that until my next scheduled surgery in March. Big plans for the weekend include watching the Superbowl (yes I am a huge sports fan) but as my team is not playing I haven't decided who I will be cheering for... Happy Weekend!
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