This post should have been written on Thanksgiving day but considering my jet lagged state I am doing it now! How ironic that Thanksgiving day this year is the one year anniversary of my last radiation treatment. What better way to celebrate the day of giving thanks!
Somewhere along this journey I decided that there are LOTS of things that I would love to do in my life and thus I created my bucket list... not a published version, not even a list that is written down, but my own mental checklist. The week leading up to Thanksgiving I was able to mark off one of my hearts top desires... I went to Mexico! I love to fly, so that didn't worry me at all, but I do have to say that being in another country did worry me a little. I was so fortunate to be able to go with the most wonderful group of people! The trip itself was a BIG check off the bucket list, but while there I was able to mark off a few others... snorkeling, zip lining, and jumping off a cliff! I also went horseback riding, tubing, and laying in the sun by the lagoon filled with beautiful fish. I am well aware that I am very lucky! I got to go on a wonderful vacation with my Mom and with some of the people I consider my best friends! Thank you so much to Brud and Anita Bills for allowing me this wonderful opportunity! (Hey Brud, I put your name first!) Thank you to my grandmother, Lucy, who kept my girls so that I could take this trip!
The day before I left I had a follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon... you may remember that the last appointment didn't go so well! Glad to report this one went much better. I got the all clear as far as the surgery is concerned to be able to start doing normal activities again! Yay!! We also talked briefly about the next step, which would be having nipples done. I have some time to think on this as it would be about three more months before we would actually do the procedure. I feel very sure that I want to have the procedure done I am just not sure about the time frame... I feel that in three months there is still healing and settling that will need to occur, so over the next few weeks/months I will have to make that decision.
The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.
Barbara DeAngelis
I am not who I once was, nor who I will become, but I am working on getting there. Please continue to keep me in your prayers! Thank you for all your continued prayers and support!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
one year, six months, six days later...
My last surgery (last major surgery anyway) fell exactly one year, six months and six days after my diagnosis. I had planned to update one more time before my surgery but appointments got changed around and I didn't see the doctor again until my actual surgery day so there really wasn't anything new to report. I had also planned to update everyone as soon as possible after surgery but that didn't quite go as planned either...
So my surgery was last Thursday (Oct. 4). According to the report the Dr. gave Stewart everything went well and I would need to report back for a post-op appt on Tuesday Oct. 9. As per my instructions I could not take bandages off for 48 hours and then I could take them off only long enough to shower. Saturday morning comes along and I have been dying to take the bandages off not only because I am over ready to have a shower but let's be honest I really just want to see how things look. BIG MISTAKE!! I was NOT prepared for what things would look like! Maybe I should have been but I definitely was not. Now let me explain a few things. First off I had not seen my surgeon since my last post which was the middle of August until she came in 15 minutes before surgery. I was a little surprised that she didn't make an appearance at my pre-op appt the day before just to go over the surgery and what to expect right after and a few weeks after the surgery as far as healing goes and how things would look. At this point I should have requested that she do so but didn't really understand until this exact moment how important it would have been. Lesson learned there and we won't make that mistake again! Secondly, the staff at the surgeon's office (and I say staff because I didn't see the surgeon) made this surgery seem like it was just a swap. Take the expander's out, put the implants in and your ready to go! Which I guess if you are speaking technical and surgical terms that really is all there was to it, but they didn't take the time to assure me that it would still take time to heal and settle. I guess after all I had been through they just assume you know all of this by now, but I was treading into new water and really had no insight as to what I should expect. Looking from where I am now, I would have done some of my own research as far as post-op pictures at various stages (good advice I got yesterday from a wonderful friend!) so I would have been better prepared for my first look and the next look and the look after that! Lastly, and this is something that even for me at this stage is difficult to remember, I have ONLY implants. There is no natural breast tissue. So when you think about someone having implants your natural thought process is to picture someone with Pamela Anderson boobs. Now I knew I wasn't going to come out of all of this with boobs like Pam Anderson but I was hoping for a set that I would at least be able to rock a bathing suit with! This is important to know because usually implants are used to enhance a person's natural breast tissue, and in my case the entire breast is implant. The surgeon has to make a silicone (that's what mine are, but some are saline) flexible sac look like a real breast.
So let's go back in time to Saturday morning... so I am upset (okay maybe that's an understatement!) and not in the best state of mind to try and write my blog entry which was my plan previous to viewing my new breasts. I decide at this point to hold off on an entry until I go back for my post-op and see what the surgeon has to say. So sorry for the delay but I felt at the time that I wouldn't be able to write honestly because I would feel that I needed to make things seem better than they were. That's not what my blog has been about and it's not what I wanted this post to be about. Honesty is the best policy!!
I decided to approach my post-op visit (Tuesday) with this same attitude. Now mind you I didn't just blurt out to the surgeon that I thought she made a better Frankenstein then a breast reconstruction surgeon (even though at the time I sort of thought that). I did relay to her that I had some concerns with the way things looked and wasn't sure what to do about it. The surgeon feeling that I was questioning her surgical ability didn't handle the appt very well at all. And in hindsight I probably didn't handle it any better, but I was upset and my mind was taking me places that had me a little scared. I thought we may have to redo the surgery or worse yet find a new surgeon and then have the surgery redone. So the appt ended with another post-op appt in six weeks, and neither she nor I very happy about the way the appt had gone.
Thank goodness the following day I had a follow-up with my radiation oncologist, aka Dr. Hottie with a bow tie! An appt that should have only taken him 5 minutes turned into an hour long make Angie feel better appt. He and his assistant reviewed the surgery notes with me and explained what everything meant and what the surgeon had done. They also did a physical exam and then at the end sat down with me to discuss my concerns. By the end of this appt I was feeling MUCH better about the cosmetic result of the surgery. There were several things that he brought to my attention... 1. It had been less than a week since the actual surgery 2. Being less than a week post surgery there is still swelling and healing that need to take place 3. Looking at things from my perspective (looking down or in mirror) is different than looking from his perspective (looking straight on) 4. Looking at my right breast with a scar that runs straight across the front and my left breast where the scar runs more the shape of a crescent moon can make the shape and size look different when viewing them at the same time 5. By far the most important thing he said the whole appt... cosmetically things look pretty darn (he used a more explicit word) good! He did not feel like things could be any better cosmetically especially at this stage of healing! What made this statement even better was that he has nothing to gain or lose with his opinion so I felt that he gave me his honest opinion and I value and trust his judgement. He did also tell me that when all is said and done it doesn't really matter what he or the surgeon thinks that ultimately if I'm not happy then nobody should be happy because I'm the one that has to live with it. He informed me that the total healing time would be at least several months and even up to a year.
So that appt was two days ago and I have had time to think, look,heal and look some more (maybe even stare) and I feel that things are really good! I feel like I look good in my clothes, which is a huge improvement from where I was a week ago. I think my "mini" breakdown could have been avoided if I had been given more information previous to the surgery, and I also think that knowing how final this surgery was I was more nervous about it than I have been about anything else I've endured. Now I'm not quite ready to try out a bathing suit, although in about five weeks I will be sporting one in Mexico!! I am super excited about this trip and view this as celebrating that I am a SURVIVOR!! It's hard to believe that the end is finally here! One thing that is a little scary is that I won't ever need a mammogram. I have no breast tissue so technically there is nothing to check. I can still have a recurrence in the same area or a new cancer, but over time the chance of that happening will decrease. Being in tune with my body is my best defense, and having things checked if something doesn't feel right. At this time they don't want to do scheduled MRI's which is a little controversial because there are so many false positives, especially for women who have implant reconstruction. Another scary thing is they still don't know a lot about the long term side effects of the treatments I had on young women. Most women are diagnosed later in life so they have less time they have to worry about long term issues. I will still have appts every three months for a while and I need to have some tests done here and there but for the most part this journey has finally come to an end.
I am not really ready to call the blog quits although I will probably only update once every month or two. I am so thankful for all my prayer warriors who have been keeping up with me and I would ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers! I am blessed beyond what I could ever have imagined and know that I am where I am today only by the grace of God! Thank you for the love, prayers, and support!
So my surgery was last Thursday (Oct. 4). According to the report the Dr. gave Stewart everything went well and I would need to report back for a post-op appt on Tuesday Oct. 9. As per my instructions I could not take bandages off for 48 hours and then I could take them off only long enough to shower. Saturday morning comes along and I have been dying to take the bandages off not only because I am over ready to have a shower but let's be honest I really just want to see how things look. BIG MISTAKE!! I was NOT prepared for what things would look like! Maybe I should have been but I definitely was not. Now let me explain a few things. First off I had not seen my surgeon since my last post which was the middle of August until she came in 15 minutes before surgery. I was a little surprised that she didn't make an appearance at my pre-op appt the day before just to go over the surgery and what to expect right after and a few weeks after the surgery as far as healing goes and how things would look. At this point I should have requested that she do so but didn't really understand until this exact moment how important it would have been. Lesson learned there and we won't make that mistake again! Secondly, the staff at the surgeon's office (and I say staff because I didn't see the surgeon) made this surgery seem like it was just a swap. Take the expander's out, put the implants in and your ready to go! Which I guess if you are speaking technical and surgical terms that really is all there was to it, but they didn't take the time to assure me that it would still take time to heal and settle. I guess after all I had been through they just assume you know all of this by now, but I was treading into new water and really had no insight as to what I should expect. Looking from where I am now, I would have done some of my own research as far as post-op pictures at various stages (good advice I got yesterday from a wonderful friend!) so I would have been better prepared for my first look and the next look and the look after that! Lastly, and this is something that even for me at this stage is difficult to remember, I have ONLY implants. There is no natural breast tissue. So when you think about someone having implants your natural thought process is to picture someone with Pamela Anderson boobs. Now I knew I wasn't going to come out of all of this with boobs like Pam Anderson but I was hoping for a set that I would at least be able to rock a bathing suit with! This is important to know because usually implants are used to enhance a person's natural breast tissue, and in my case the entire breast is implant. The surgeon has to make a silicone (that's what mine are, but some are saline) flexible sac look like a real breast.
So let's go back in time to Saturday morning... so I am upset (okay maybe that's an understatement!) and not in the best state of mind to try and write my blog entry which was my plan previous to viewing my new breasts. I decide at this point to hold off on an entry until I go back for my post-op and see what the surgeon has to say. So sorry for the delay but I felt at the time that I wouldn't be able to write honestly because I would feel that I needed to make things seem better than they were. That's not what my blog has been about and it's not what I wanted this post to be about. Honesty is the best policy!!
I decided to approach my post-op visit (Tuesday) with this same attitude. Now mind you I didn't just blurt out to the surgeon that I thought she made a better Frankenstein then a breast reconstruction surgeon (even though at the time I sort of thought that). I did relay to her that I had some concerns with the way things looked and wasn't sure what to do about it. The surgeon feeling that I was questioning her surgical ability didn't handle the appt very well at all. And in hindsight I probably didn't handle it any better, but I was upset and my mind was taking me places that had me a little scared. I thought we may have to redo the surgery or worse yet find a new surgeon and then have the surgery redone. So the appt ended with another post-op appt in six weeks, and neither she nor I very happy about the way the appt had gone.
Thank goodness the following day I had a follow-up with my radiation oncologist, aka Dr. Hottie with a bow tie! An appt that should have only taken him 5 minutes turned into an hour long make Angie feel better appt. He and his assistant reviewed the surgery notes with me and explained what everything meant and what the surgeon had done. They also did a physical exam and then at the end sat down with me to discuss my concerns. By the end of this appt I was feeling MUCH better about the cosmetic result of the surgery. There were several things that he brought to my attention... 1. It had been less than a week since the actual surgery 2. Being less than a week post surgery there is still swelling and healing that need to take place 3. Looking at things from my perspective (looking down or in mirror) is different than looking from his perspective (looking straight on) 4. Looking at my right breast with a scar that runs straight across the front and my left breast where the scar runs more the shape of a crescent moon can make the shape and size look different when viewing them at the same time 5. By far the most important thing he said the whole appt... cosmetically things look pretty darn (he used a more explicit word) good! He did not feel like things could be any better cosmetically especially at this stage of healing! What made this statement even better was that he has nothing to gain or lose with his opinion so I felt that he gave me his honest opinion and I value and trust his judgement. He did also tell me that when all is said and done it doesn't really matter what he or the surgeon thinks that ultimately if I'm not happy then nobody should be happy because I'm the one that has to live with it. He informed me that the total healing time would be at least several months and even up to a year.
So that appt was two days ago and I have had time to think, look,heal and look some more (maybe even stare) and I feel that things are really good! I feel like I look good in my clothes, which is a huge improvement from where I was a week ago. I think my "mini" breakdown could have been avoided if I had been given more information previous to the surgery, and I also think that knowing how final this surgery was I was more nervous about it than I have been about anything else I've endured. Now I'm not quite ready to try out a bathing suit, although in about five weeks I will be sporting one in Mexico!! I am super excited about this trip and view this as celebrating that I am a SURVIVOR!! It's hard to believe that the end is finally here! One thing that is a little scary is that I won't ever need a mammogram. I have no breast tissue so technically there is nothing to check. I can still have a recurrence in the same area or a new cancer, but over time the chance of that happening will decrease. Being in tune with my body is my best defense, and having things checked if something doesn't feel right. At this time they don't want to do scheduled MRI's which is a little controversial because there are so many false positives, especially for women who have implant reconstruction. Another scary thing is they still don't know a lot about the long term side effects of the treatments I had on young women. Most women are diagnosed later in life so they have less time they have to worry about long term issues. I will still have appts every three months for a while and I need to have some tests done here and there but for the most part this journey has finally come to an end.
I am not really ready to call the blog quits although I will probably only update once every month or two. I am so thankful for all my prayer warriors who have been keeping up with me and I would ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers! I am blessed beyond what I could ever have imagined and know that I am where I am today only by the grace of God! Thank you for the love, prayers, and support!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
"fills" are finished
Last Friday morning I was able to do the last "fill" that needed to be done at home. The infection had cleared and was healing over well. On Wednesday I had a follow-up with my Dr. in Chapel Hill. After consulting with her on the size I currently was we decided to add saline for my overfill. With tissue expanders the final fill has to be 10% more than what you want your final size to be. This gives the skin an extra stretch to allow the surgeon room to work. So up to this point everything has gone well and I thought was putting us back on track. However, after we decided to add the extra 10% of saline the Dr. felt like my skin was tighter than she would like for it to be and she didn't feel comfortable scheduling surgery as soon as I had hoped. In the long run I know it will make for a better result but I sure was hoping to have this done by the end of this month. So her decision is to see me back in four weeks and she is hoping to schedule surgery in about six weeks. This would put surgery the end of September. About a month later than I thought, but after everything that I've been through I certainly want to make sure this process goes as well as it possibly can.
One highlight of my trip to Chapel Hill was that Stewart and I got to meet another couple that is getting ready to go through the expansion process. The Dr. asked us if we would mind speaking with them about our experience with doing "fills" at home. Great feeling to know that you can use your experiences to help other people make better decisions.
My girls have only a week left before they go back to school. One starting Middle School and one starting Kindergarten. Wow! How time has flown! Mom is sure not looking forward to this milestone!
Won't be much to update until I go back to see the Dr. on Sept. 12 so I probably won't post again until I get back from that appt. Hope everyone has a great rest of summer break and fingers crossed that all the storms stay out in the ocean!!
One highlight of my trip to Chapel Hill was that Stewart and I got to meet another couple that is getting ready to go through the expansion process. The Dr. asked us if we would mind speaking with them about our experience with doing "fills" at home. Great feeling to know that you can use your experiences to help other people make better decisions.
My girls have only a week left before they go back to school. One starting Middle School and one starting Kindergarten. Wow! How time has flown! Mom is sure not looking forward to this milestone!
Won't be much to update until I go back to see the Dr. on Sept. 12 so I probably won't post again until I get back from that appt. Hope everyone has a great rest of summer break and fingers crossed that all the storms stay out in the ocean!!
Friday, August 3, 2012
a few steps back
A quick update on how things have been going. Over last weekend I had a blister pop up on the end of one of my incision scars. By the time I got to the Dr. on Monday the blister had popped but it still looked red and swollen. Of course, it is an infection :( Yes, this puts me a few steps back because it puts "fills" on hold for now. Yesterday would have been my last fill, so I'm a little disappointed to have made it this far and now have to wait and see how this heals. So far I have only seen my local Dr. I have complete confidence that he can treat me. My doctors in Chapel Hill are not completely satisfied with not seeing what's going on but for now I think it would be a wasted trip if the meds I'm on take care of this and I get back on the right track. So far I haven't seen improvement but I feel like it could take the meds a few days to really start to make a difference, so I'm going to give it over the weekend and see how it looks on Monday. Keeping my positive attitude and planning for things to be looking much better by Monday and I plan to complete my last "fill" on Thursday of next week. If all goes well my pre-op appt. in Chapel Hill should be on Wed. August 15th and surgery should fall the end of August.
Hope everyone has a blessed weekend!! Please keep me in your prayers!!
Hope everyone has a blessed weekend!! Please keep me in your prayers!!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
"fill-ups" continue
Last Thursday I went to Chapel Hill for my second "fill-up". Everything went great! Stewart went with me to learn how to do the procedure in the hopes that we could finish the rest of the fills at home. The nurse had him do most of the appointment and we left with enough saline, syringes, and needles to do three weekly fills at home. Up to that point fills had been bi-weekly so we didn't have to travel to Chapel Hill every week. From now on we hope to be able to fill every week, which would mean in three weeks I will be ready to have a pre-op appointment with the surgeon to schedule surgery!!!
Skip a week ahead to today... first attempt at doing a fill at home... and everything went great! So excited! Things are moving along much faster than I thought they would. At this rate I will be finished with reconstruction in no time! After my fill last week I noticed discomfort for the first few nights and I am already feeling a little discomfort from the fill today. As more saline is injected into the expanders it causes the skin to pull real tight and it takes a few days for the skin to stretch. I am thinking at this point that the tightness and discomfort will be a little worse after each fill. Overall this experience has been so easy and fast!
The big question is... how big do I go? While researching my reconstruction I found that the one thing most women who had expanders and then implants disliked about the end result was their size. They felt they either went too large or too small. And of course no one, not even the surgeon has a great way to decide when you have filled enough. The most common trick seems to be trying on old bras, but the expanders are so wide that I don't feel like this works well. Because women are all shapes and sizes you can't just pick a size or fill to a certain number cc's of saline. What would be a C cup on one woman isn't always a C cup on another, and the size that 450cc's of saline gives one woman may be much smaller or larger on another woman. Yeah, yeah I know... what a hard decision! Truth is with all the scars I don't think things will ever look like what I would like for them too, so is it really that important for the size to be just right. Well, probably not but after all surgery I have already been through I don't want to have to go back and do any of this again! So if anyone has any helpful thoughts ~ let me know! One thing I do know for sure... this is one decision that I don't want to let my husband make! (Just kidding ~ I love you Stewart!)
Skip a week ahead to today... first attempt at doing a fill at home... and everything went great! So excited! Things are moving along much faster than I thought they would. At this rate I will be finished with reconstruction in no time! After my fill last week I noticed discomfort for the first few nights and I am already feeling a little discomfort from the fill today. As more saline is injected into the expanders it causes the skin to pull real tight and it takes a few days for the skin to stretch. I am thinking at this point that the tightness and discomfort will be a little worse after each fill. Overall this experience has been so easy and fast!
The big question is... how big do I go? While researching my reconstruction I found that the one thing most women who had expanders and then implants disliked about the end result was their size. They felt they either went too large or too small. And of course no one, not even the surgeon has a great way to decide when you have filled enough. The most common trick seems to be trying on old bras, but the expanders are so wide that I don't feel like this works well. Because women are all shapes and sizes you can't just pick a size or fill to a certain number cc's of saline. What would be a C cup on one woman isn't always a C cup on another, and the size that 450cc's of saline gives one woman may be much smaller or larger on another woman. Yeah, yeah I know... what a hard decision! Truth is with all the scars I don't think things will ever look like what I would like for them too, so is it really that important for the size to be just right. Well, probably not but after all surgery I have already been through I don't want to have to go back and do any of this again! So if anyone has any helpful thoughts ~ let me know! One thing I do know for sure... this is one decision that I don't want to let my husband make! (Just kidding ~ I love you Stewart!)
Monday, July 2, 2012
first fill-up
A few days ago I went to Chapel Hill for what I will be referring to as my "first fill-up". I was a little nervous as this was unchartered territory for me and I wasn't really sure what to expect. Thankfully I can say that it was really easy! Each of my expanders has a little metal port located near the top. A magnet is used to find the location of the port and then semi-permanent marks are made in a circle around the port. (Semi-permanent because as the expanders are filled the port's location can shift so it will have to be located at each fill appointment) Then a butterly needle is inserted into the port (yes, through the skin and yes I can feel it!). Saline is pushed through the small tubing attached to the needle "filling" the expander. Really cool to watch because on the left side where the mastectomy was just done and there is some extra skin you could actually see the as the expander filled up. During my appointment the nurse wanted to know if I drove all the way to Chapel Hill just to get my "fill-up". Well, it just so happened that this trip was combined with picking Karlene up from Raleigh as she finished basketball camp at NC State, but in the future trips would probably just be for my appointments. The "fill-ups" can be done at different intervals but she recommended that for the best result they be done on a weekly basis. This allows the skin to stretch at a slower rate therefore giving you better results. I don't know about you but in the middle of summer I don't really want to have to drive to Chapel Hill every week! We decided that my next appointment with her would be a two week interval and at that time we are going to learn how to do my "fill-ups" at home. She assures me we do not need medical training, and the procedure did seem rather simple ~ other than having to stick a needle through my skin! Learning to do them at home will allow me to do my "fill-ups" on a weekly basis without having to make the drive to Chapel Hill!
Not everything is going quite so smooth, but considering what has been done I think overall I am doing great. The right side (recent surgery was mastectomy and placing tissue expander) which was the side that had the least surgery is having some issues with fluid build-up. There is concern that it could be lymphedema (I haven't figured out how because no nodes were taken from this side), but it could also just be fluid that has built up from the surgery. The doctor is in the process of getting me referred back to the therapist I was seeing at Outer Banks Hospital to see if we can get the fluid to subside. Before surgery when I worked with her she was awesome and I have all confidence that she can help get things back on the right track.
The nurse was also concerned that the expander on the right looked as if it had shifted. We are hoping at this point that it only looks that way because of the fluid build-up. If it has indeed shifted we will be able to tell better as we further expand and at that point it may require surgery to get it back in the correct position. I am thinking that we will just worry about that if and when the time comes.
Hopefully I will be back to work next Monday! So I plan to enjoy this Holiday week! Hoping this heat gives us a little break so I can enjoy the beach and pool! Hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July celebrating and spending time with family and friends!
Not everything is going quite so smooth, but considering what has been done I think overall I am doing great. The right side (recent surgery was mastectomy and placing tissue expander) which was the side that had the least surgery is having some issues with fluid build-up. There is concern that it could be lymphedema (I haven't figured out how because no nodes were taken from this side), but it could also just be fluid that has built up from the surgery. The doctor is in the process of getting me referred back to the therapist I was seeing at Outer Banks Hospital to see if we can get the fluid to subside. Before surgery when I worked with her she was awesome and I have all confidence that she can help get things back on the right track.
The nurse was also concerned that the expander on the right looked as if it had shifted. We are hoping at this point that it only looks that way because of the fluid build-up. If it has indeed shifted we will be able to tell better as we further expand and at that point it may require surgery to get it back in the correct position. I am thinking that we will just worry about that if and when the time comes.
Hopefully I will be back to work next Monday! So I plan to enjoy this Holiday week! Hoping this heat gives us a little break so I can enjoy the beach and pool! Hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July celebrating and spending time with family and friends!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
3 weeks later...
So surgery was three weeks ago today and I am doing so much better than I imagined. My post-op appt. a week ago went really well. They took my four drains out and were pleased with the healing. My pathology all came back good for the right side, prophylactic mastectomy. I still have a lot of healing to do and I'm not able to lift for another few weeks. I go back to the doctor next week and they are hoping to start the expansion process. Excited to know that it won't be long before I will be able to see the changes and know that I am heading towards my end result.
Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes. I am positive that my fast recovery is evidence of all the prayers that have been said on my behalf!
Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes. I am positive that my fast recovery is evidence of all the prayers that have been said on my behalf!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
just checking in
Just a quick post to check in and let everyone know how I am doing. Not that this is surprising but I am actually doing better than expected! Prayer does amazing things :) First day was pretty rough, but it didn't take me long to get my determination back. Facing up to five days in the hospital will get you up and moving real quick. I hate sitting still and being confined. Working hard paid off, I only had to stay three nights. Got to come home just in time to celebrate my 34th birthday! Yes, I told my age! I feel extremely lucky to celebrate every birthday from here on out, a year older means another year I survived! Tomorrow is back to Chapel Hill for my follow-up. Praying that my four drains can come out! Once the drains come out I will be able to drive and will be able to get around so much easier! So excited for the next few months to see how this part of my reconstruction is going to go. A little challenging none the less, as right now I am fairly flat chested (and let's face it ~ I have never really had that problem!), and over the course of the next few months I will slowly be expanded. Beach and pool days will be spent in tanks and not in bathing suits but I just keep reminding myself that after this summer I will be able to rock a swimsuit! Once the doctor releasing me I guess I will need to start working on the rest of my out of shape body!
Thank you to everyone who has been keeping me in their prayers! Fingers crossed that drains come out tomorrow! God Bless, Angie
Thank you to everyone who has been keeping me in their prayers! Fingers crossed that drains come out tomorrow! God Bless, Angie
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
keep me in your prayers
Just a quick post to check in... leaving shortly for Chapel Hill. Surgery will be tomorrow morning! The surgery will be between 6 and 8 hours and I will have to stay in the hospital for about five days. As soon as possible I will have someone post a short update. Please keep me and my family in your prayers!
God Bless, Angie
God Bless, Angie
Sunday, May 20, 2012
BLESSED
I am thankful beyond words for the outpouring of love and support from family and friends. So many people worked long hours this week and especially yesterday to make the fundraiser such a success! The rain held off and even though we had a little wind (ok maybe more than a little), the day was beautiful! Thank you to everyone who came out and showed their support!
Less than two weeks to go until surgery... feeling anxious! So ready to have it behind me but at the same time I am entering unfamiliar territory. Not doubting any decisions or anything, just unsure of the feeling I will have after surgery is over. It will still be a few months before this stage of reconstruction is complete and I will see what the final result is, but it's a little scary to know that there is no going back and no changing anything. Once it's done, it's done!
It's actually kind of funny that I remember always coming up with different things that I would love to change about my physical appearance. Wishing you would find a genie in a bottle so you could get your three wishes. Can't tell you the number of times that I wished for curly hair ~ and if you've seen me lately you know that I now have it! Learned the hard way that you want what you can't have until you get it and then you don't want it anymore! Not that I'm complaining ~ I just love having hair! Looking back over some posts I realized that tomorrow is exactly one year ago that we shaved my head. Here is a pic taken Friday night to show how fast it is growing back (this is the blow-dried look so it's not very curly)
Less than two weeks to go until surgery... feeling anxious! So ready to have it behind me but at the same time I am entering unfamiliar territory. Not doubting any decisions or anything, just unsure of the feeling I will have after surgery is over. It will still be a few months before this stage of reconstruction is complete and I will see what the final result is, but it's a little scary to know that there is no going back and no changing anything. Once it's done, it's done!
Will try to post a pic soon of me in all my curly glory!
A year ago I had just received my second chemo treatment... needless to say I am feeling so much better now than I was then. Not just physically feeling better but emotionally and spiritually also. I think there is a twinkling of light at the end of the tunnel! A year ago it seemed I would never get to this point, and now it's almost here. Yeah, I'm BLESSED! Beyond BLESSED! It's not been easy, but it has taught me so much about myself and what I am capable of. It has taught me to lean not on my own understanding, strength, or wisdom BUT by faith to lean on God's! If the footsteps of this journey could be seen in the sand I'm POSITIVE you would only see one set, but it wouldn't be mine you would see... because I know I am only where I am now because God has carried me!
I'll probably post right before we leave for the hospital. After surgery I will post as soon as I can, but I'm not sure how long that will be. I have been told that I will be about five days in the hospital. Hoping to be able to head home as soon as I possibly can. There is no place like home! The nerves will start kicking in soon so please keep me in your prayers! God Bless, Angie
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
is that your final answer?
It's pretty safe to say that "YES" this is my final answer!
First let me back track and give you a little run down ~ Jan. 2012, first consult appointment with plastic surgeon at UNC Cancer Center ~ end result of appointment is Lat Flap (latissimus muscle) with tissue expander on the left and mastectomy with tissue expander on the right. Scheduled a second appointment for the end of April knowing that I would be ready for surgery the end of May.
I didn't really want to have to do the Lat Flap on the left but the surgeon felt this was my only option so that is what we planned to go with. After good advice, I decided to get a second opinion...
April 19, 2012 ~ consult appt. with Dr. Claire Carman in Norfolk, VA
Wonderful doctor who agreed with and confirmed some of the previous information/decisions and yet had different views and opinions on some things as well. She also felt the best surgery for the left was the Lat Flap, so like it or not it looks like there isn't much to decide on that. She did have a differing opinion about doing the mastectomy on the right. This sort of caught me a little by surprise considering that everything I had been told up to this point leaned more toward doing the mastectomy. She had valid reasons to back up her opinion, so I decided to try to be open minded. Maybe I had made a hasty decision (seems highly possible when you are thinking in terms of life/death). Dr. Carman feels that in a lot of cases this is an unnecessary surgery that many women think will change their prognosis. It doesn't change your prognosis! In her words, "the milk is already spilled." A recurrence can happen in the same breast or tissue still present even after a mastectomy or it can occur in another part of the body (liver, lungs, bones and the brain) which is called metastasis. A metastasis is more likely to occur in another part of the body than it is the opposite breast. Another reason she felt that mastectomy surgery was not always the best way to go is because you have no feeling after this surgery. She felt that being able to feel if something wasn't "normal" was your first and best defense in catching cancer early if it happened to occur in that breast.
So I had some things to think and pray about. Nobody said that the decisions I was going to be faced with would be easy ones to make. I would say that I wish I didn't have to make them but in some way I feel that isn't fair. You see, I know God is in control and I know He has a plan for me. I also, firmly believe that all that has happened in the last year will in some way glorify Him.
April 25, 2012 ~ follow-up appts in Chapel Hill with my medical oncologist and oncology surgeon and first mammogram since cancer diagnosis. I decided to not make a final decision until I was able to talk to my doctors at this appt. and refresh my memory with the abundance of information that they had already given me. Mammogram was my first appt. I would be lying if I said it wasn't scary. At the Cancer hospital they read your films while you are still there. The radiologist said that she was satisfied with the way the films looked and as far as she was concerned I just needed to come back in 6 months. Dr. Muss (my medical oncologist) felt that if I didn't have the mastectomy surgery done on the right that I would need to be scheduled for an MRI. Not only this time but on a yearly basis into the unforeseeable future. The rest of his appt went well, other than the fact that I have to learn to live with these HOT flashes! He isn't comfortable with me taking any medication at this time to try to elevate them, so if you see me flapping my hands like I'm swatting at a bug - I'm probably just fanning myself. Poor Stewart probably won't get a good nights sleep either because I'm constantly throwing covers off because I'm sweating and then pulling them back on because the air hits the sweat and makes you cold! Dr. Demore had a lot of good information, mainly studies that showed the advantages/disadvantages to having the right side mastectomy surgery. The two that seemed most important: 1. A study that shows that you have a 95% chance of NOT getting cancer (new or recurrence) if you opt for mastectomy, and 2. A new study that shows that for women under 40yrs old there is a 5% increase in survival for women that opted for mastectomy. This is a very quick rundown of a four hour appointment!
Here's a list of the decisions that had to be made:
1. Do I do the mastectomy on the right side?
2. Do I have my surgery done in Chapel Hill or in Norfolk?
Answer to question #1: YES! I felt like I got really good information from a lot of different sources and when it comes down to it I feel like for me this is just the right thing to do. I'm sure I'll still worry but at least I will know I did everything I possibly could.
Answer to question #2: This was the hardest decision. There were a few differences in the approach and timeline for surgery from each place. According to Chapel Hill I could schedule surgery the end of May, where in Norfolk they wanted to wait until middle to end of summer. In Norfolk they wanted to do a sentinel node biopsy when they did the mastectomy surgery on the right and UNC felt that the disadvantages to doing this outweighed the advantages (a biopsy would put that arm at risk for lymph edema). Norfolk wanted to do a skin sparing mastectomy and insert a fully expanded tissue expander on the right side while the left would have to be slowly expanded (in other words, I would still be lopsided). UNC would do a total mastectomy (not keeping any of the skin) and expand the right and left side at an equal rate. When it came down to it - I'm ready to get all of this done and behind me. At UNC the surgeon and I agreed on just about every aspect of the surgery. I like the timeline. I prefer to not have the node biopsy unless pathology from the surgery shows that we need to go back and do it. I certainly prefer to go through summer with two boobs that at least appear equal. If I am opting for a mastectomy then I don't want to keep the skin or nipple, either of which cancer could pop up in. The final piece of the puzzle in deciding where to do surgery was that up to this point all of my stuff has been done at UNC, and I feel that it is better for the future monitoring of my health to keep everything in one place. I loved the doctor that I saw in Norfolk and under different circumstances I would without a doubt love for her to be my doctor. But things just didn't work out that way, and for whatever reason in the beginning I ended up at UNC and I felt like from the start that I was where I was supposed to be. And so there I will stay!
I am currently seeing a physical therapist up at the hospital that has been trained in dealing with women that have had breast cancer to get the left side ready for the upcoming surgery. Surgery is scheduled for May 31st. I am looking forward to having another part of this journey behind me!
I am an open book! If any one ever has questions about anything I post please feel free to ask. I have learned a lot over the past year, some of it the hard way, and I hope I can use my experience and what I've learned to help others! My e-mail is: angbal96@hotmail.com
God Bless, Angie
First let me back track and give you a little run down ~ Jan. 2012, first consult appointment with plastic surgeon at UNC Cancer Center ~ end result of appointment is Lat Flap (latissimus muscle) with tissue expander on the left and mastectomy with tissue expander on the right. Scheduled a second appointment for the end of April knowing that I would be ready for surgery the end of May.
I didn't really want to have to do the Lat Flap on the left but the surgeon felt this was my only option so that is what we planned to go with. After good advice, I decided to get a second opinion...
April 19, 2012 ~ consult appt. with Dr. Claire Carman in Norfolk, VA
Wonderful doctor who agreed with and confirmed some of the previous information/decisions and yet had different views and opinions on some things as well. She also felt the best surgery for the left was the Lat Flap, so like it or not it looks like there isn't much to decide on that. She did have a differing opinion about doing the mastectomy on the right. This sort of caught me a little by surprise considering that everything I had been told up to this point leaned more toward doing the mastectomy. She had valid reasons to back up her opinion, so I decided to try to be open minded. Maybe I had made a hasty decision (seems highly possible when you are thinking in terms of life/death). Dr. Carman feels that in a lot of cases this is an unnecessary surgery that many women think will change their prognosis. It doesn't change your prognosis! In her words, "the milk is already spilled." A recurrence can happen in the same breast or tissue still present even after a mastectomy or it can occur in another part of the body (liver, lungs, bones and the brain) which is called metastasis. A metastasis is more likely to occur in another part of the body than it is the opposite breast. Another reason she felt that mastectomy surgery was not always the best way to go is because you have no feeling after this surgery. She felt that being able to feel if something wasn't "normal" was your first and best defense in catching cancer early if it happened to occur in that breast.
So I had some things to think and pray about. Nobody said that the decisions I was going to be faced with would be easy ones to make. I would say that I wish I didn't have to make them but in some way I feel that isn't fair. You see, I know God is in control and I know He has a plan for me. I also, firmly believe that all that has happened in the last year will in some way glorify Him.
April 25, 2012 ~ follow-up appts in Chapel Hill with my medical oncologist and oncology surgeon and first mammogram since cancer diagnosis. I decided to not make a final decision until I was able to talk to my doctors at this appt. and refresh my memory with the abundance of information that they had already given me. Mammogram was my first appt. I would be lying if I said it wasn't scary. At the Cancer hospital they read your films while you are still there. The radiologist said that she was satisfied with the way the films looked and as far as she was concerned I just needed to come back in 6 months. Dr. Muss (my medical oncologist) felt that if I didn't have the mastectomy surgery done on the right that I would need to be scheduled for an MRI. Not only this time but on a yearly basis into the unforeseeable future. The rest of his appt went well, other than the fact that I have to learn to live with these HOT flashes! He isn't comfortable with me taking any medication at this time to try to elevate them, so if you see me flapping my hands like I'm swatting at a bug - I'm probably just fanning myself. Poor Stewart probably won't get a good nights sleep either because I'm constantly throwing covers off because I'm sweating and then pulling them back on because the air hits the sweat and makes you cold! Dr. Demore had a lot of good information, mainly studies that showed the advantages/disadvantages to having the right side mastectomy surgery. The two that seemed most important: 1. A study that shows that you have a 95% chance of NOT getting cancer (new or recurrence) if you opt for mastectomy, and 2. A new study that shows that for women under 40yrs old there is a 5% increase in survival for women that opted for mastectomy. This is a very quick rundown of a four hour appointment!
Here's a list of the decisions that had to be made:
1. Do I do the mastectomy on the right side?
2. Do I have my surgery done in Chapel Hill or in Norfolk?
Answer to question #1: YES! I felt like I got really good information from a lot of different sources and when it comes down to it I feel like for me this is just the right thing to do. I'm sure I'll still worry but at least I will know I did everything I possibly could.
Answer to question #2: This was the hardest decision. There were a few differences in the approach and timeline for surgery from each place. According to Chapel Hill I could schedule surgery the end of May, where in Norfolk they wanted to wait until middle to end of summer. In Norfolk they wanted to do a sentinel node biopsy when they did the mastectomy surgery on the right and UNC felt that the disadvantages to doing this outweighed the advantages (a biopsy would put that arm at risk for lymph edema). Norfolk wanted to do a skin sparing mastectomy and insert a fully expanded tissue expander on the right side while the left would have to be slowly expanded (in other words, I would still be lopsided). UNC would do a total mastectomy (not keeping any of the skin) and expand the right and left side at an equal rate. When it came down to it - I'm ready to get all of this done and behind me. At UNC the surgeon and I agreed on just about every aspect of the surgery. I like the timeline. I prefer to not have the node biopsy unless pathology from the surgery shows that we need to go back and do it. I certainly prefer to go through summer with two boobs that at least appear equal. If I am opting for a mastectomy then I don't want to keep the skin or nipple, either of which cancer could pop up in. The final piece of the puzzle in deciding where to do surgery was that up to this point all of my stuff has been done at UNC, and I feel that it is better for the future monitoring of my health to keep everything in one place. I loved the doctor that I saw in Norfolk and under different circumstances I would without a doubt love for her to be my doctor. But things just didn't work out that way, and for whatever reason in the beginning I ended up at UNC and I felt like from the start that I was where I was supposed to be. And so there I will stay!
I am currently seeing a physical therapist up at the hospital that has been trained in dealing with women that have had breast cancer to get the left side ready for the upcoming surgery. Surgery is scheduled for May 31st. I am looking forward to having another part of this journey behind me!
I am an open book! If any one ever has questions about anything I post please feel free to ask. I have learned a lot over the past year, some of it the hard way, and I hope I can use my experience and what I've learned to help others! My e-mail is: angbal96@hotmail.com
God Bless, Angie
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
it's like trying to catch a falling star...
Trying to make sense of all the information that you receive and making the best decision with the information you have is very difficult. On the way to my appointment Thursday a song that is very special to Stewart and I played on the radio... he played me this song the very first night we met. (Yeah, he DOES have a romantic side! SSSHHH! Don't let him know I told you ;) ) The name of the song is "How do you talk to an angel" and one of the lines in the song is, "it's like trying to catch a falling star." On my trip home that night this one line in the song seemed to sum up all that is going on for me right now. It seems that the finish line I could so clearly see just last week is now disappearing in the distance. My appointment Thursday was bittersweet. I LOVE the doctor, and she had some great information and advice, however some of what she had to say differs from previous opinions and decisions that I had already made. Not to leave everyone hanging here but I have appointments this week back in Chapel Hill and hope to review all that I learned with them. I am STRESSED beyond belief with trying to make the best decisions for ME!! The problem is no one knows the right answers... not even the doctors! So you take the information you have and you make the best choices you can. After my appointments this week I will get into more detail as to the differences in opinions from the two different plastic surgeons and hopefully have all good news from my mammo and dr. visits this week. Please continue to keep me in prayer! The next few weeks are going to be very challenging for a usually very decisive person!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Cancer Support Meeting
Cancer Foundation Support Meeting tonight at Our Lady of the Seas Catholic Church in Buxton at 6:30!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
spring break
While school was out for Spring Break I decided to take a few days off to just hang out with my two favorite girls! Over the past year I have had to be away from them too many times, and thought that a few days together would be good for us. One morning we had a yummy breakfast at Sonny's with Nanny!
On Friday we joined forces with Mandy and Hannah on a girls trip to Ocracoke. We hit the Flying Melon for some awesome french toast, did a little shopping, and then made a stop at the Sweet Tooth candy shop.
Saturday, we attempted a fun filled family day on the sound helping Dad fish his nets...
Karlene was a great helper, pulling in the lead line while Dad was in charge of the top line and pulling the fish from the net.
A basket with some of our catch of Jumping Mullet! It's a good thing that we caught some fish... because shortly after that our trip made a sudden turn...
This is what happens when I step on the boat... it breaks down and we had to be towed! A big "Thank You" to John McGee our wonderful neighbor who towed us to the creek!
In the big scheme of things, this day was awesome! We spent a wonderful day together as a family, and made a memory that will probably keep us all laughing for a long time. After all, what is life without a few mishaps to keep us on our toes!
Update on my appointments: An addition to my upcoming appointments... I have decided to seek a second opinion from a plastic surgeon in the private sector. I'm not sure what impact, if any, this change will have on the current timeline that I am working with to have my next surgery completed, but feel that it is the best thing for me to do. (Thanks to some great advice!) My appointment is scheduled for this week and I will have more information to report after this visit. Please continue to keep me in your prayers!
On Friday we joined forces with Mandy and Hannah on a girls trip to Ocracoke. We hit the Flying Melon for some awesome french toast, did a little shopping, and then made a stop at the Sweet Tooth candy shop.
and of course, Kimber had to pee!
In the big scheme of things, this day was awesome! We spent a wonderful day together as a family, and made a memory that will probably keep us all laughing for a long time. After all, what is life without a few mishaps to keep us on our toes!
Update on my appointments: An addition to my upcoming appointments... I have decided to seek a second opinion from a plastic surgeon in the private sector. I'm not sure what impact, if any, this change will have on the current timeline that I am working with to have my next surgery completed, but feel that it is the best thing for me to do. (Thanks to some great advice!) My appointment is scheduled for this week and I will have more information to report after this visit. Please continue to keep me in your prayers!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
got the all clear
Post surgery appointment went very well. All pathology came back perfectly fine and the doctor released me back to my ob/gyn. Thanking God for answered prayers!
In a little over two weeks I have appointments scheduled to start the ball rolling on the next surgery. Can't believe that it's been five months since I finished radiation treatments. WOW! If nothing changes at the upcoming appointments then it is looking like surgery will fall the middle-end of May. Can't really say that I'm looking forward to the actual surgery but I am so looking forward to the results. Shirts aren't made for lopsided women!
Everyone please pray for Kimber... she is still having episodes in the morning even after trying new medicine. She will be following up this week with the doctor and I'm not sure what the next step will be. The one thing that keeps me grounded is that I know ~ Prayer works! I am walking proof!
The girls are out of school this week for Spring Break. Hoping to make a day trip to Ocracoke. We have all been craving our favorite ~ french toast at Flying Melon! Of course, we can't head home until we've stopped by the candy store. SSSHHHH! Don't tell their dentist!
Will keep everyone posted on Kimber and my upcoming appointments! Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts! God Bless, Angie
In a little over two weeks I have appointments scheduled to start the ball rolling on the next surgery. Can't believe that it's been five months since I finished radiation treatments. WOW! If nothing changes at the upcoming appointments then it is looking like surgery will fall the middle-end of May. Can't really say that I'm looking forward to the actual surgery but I am so looking forward to the results. Shirts aren't made for lopsided women!
Everyone please pray for Kimber... she is still having episodes in the morning even after trying new medicine. She will be following up this week with the doctor and I'm not sure what the next step will be. The one thing that keeps me grounded is that I know ~ Prayer works! I am walking proof!
The girls are out of school this week for Spring Break. Hoping to make a day trip to Ocracoke. We have all been craving our favorite ~ french toast at Flying Melon! Of course, we can't head home until we've stopped by the candy store. SSSHHHH! Don't tell their dentist!
Will keep everyone posted on Kimber and my upcoming appointments! Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts! God Bless, Angie
Saturday, March 24, 2012
no news is good news?
I have been waiting to write this post until I had pathology results back from my surgery... however I still don't have the results and didn't want to put off a post any longer. I am operating under the impression that no news is good news. Sure I could call the doctors office and get the results but I have an appointment that is less than two weeks away and to be honest knowing the results now vs. finding out at my appointment really wouldn't change much. You would think that after receiving results like a breast cancer diagnosis you would fear any pathology results, but the truth is I really don't. Don't get me wrong, there is always a little fear of a recurrence or a new cancer, but if I chose to live my life always fearing the unknown then I wouldn't really be living at all. So until my appointment, positive thinking!!
Speaking of GOOD NEWS... in four days I will be celebrating my... 1st Survivor Birthday!!!! WOW! A year already! What a crazy, scary, life altering, fearful, frightening, uncertain, challenging, yet at the same time hopeful, encouraging, inspiring, happy, thankful, amazingly blessed year it has been! I thank God everyday for surrounding me with the most amazing family and friends, for giving me the strength and courage to fight, and for all the blessing that this experience has brought me. My plan is to take what my experience has taught me and to help others who are facing similar struggles in their lives. Pay it forward! So many people touched my life over the past year. It may have been a kind word, a hug, a card, a facebook message or a prayer, but it was always there when I needed it! Thank You! I wouldn't be celebrating this special day without the love and support of all my family, friends, and the wonderful community that we call ~ HOME!!!
Speaking of GOOD NEWS... in four days I will be celebrating my... 1st Survivor Birthday!!!! WOW! A year already! What a crazy, scary, life altering, fearful, frightening, uncertain, challenging, yet at the same time hopeful, encouraging, inspiring, happy, thankful, amazingly blessed year it has been! I thank God everyday for surrounding me with the most amazing family and friends, for giving me the strength and courage to fight, and for all the blessing that this experience has brought me. My plan is to take what my experience has taught me and to help others who are facing similar struggles in their lives. Pay it forward! So many people touched my life over the past year. It may have been a kind word, a hug, a card, a facebook message or a prayer, but it was always there when I needed it! Thank You! I wouldn't be celebrating this special day without the love and support of all my family, friends, and the wonderful community that we call ~ HOME!!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
recovering at home
Surgery yesterday went really well! Everything went as expected, which means the surgery was done laparoscopic (four incisions about 3/4 inch each). Much better than what the alternative would have been! A few months ago I had some blood work done to check levels to see how my ovaries were functioning. Mainly this was done because of some symptoms I was having at the time. HOT FLASHES!! I never got any results from my doctor so I just assumed that the levels were fine and that my symptoms were just caused by all the changes my body had recently been through (chemo, surgery, and radiation treatments). The surgeon yesterday gave me some hopefully good news ~ the blood work actually showed that my ovaries had stopped working. What this means for me is that I shouldn't have any more symptoms as far as menopause goes now that my ovaries have been removed. Even better news for someone like me because I wouldn't have been able to take hormone replacement to help alleviate any symptoms I might have had. Shouldn't is the key word... and of course, nothing really seems to go according to plan with me. So we will have to wait and see what the next few weeks bring but I am hopeful that this will all work out.
So I am home taking it easy and resting. A very hard thing for me to do! Even harder because this surgery seems like a piece of cake compared to the other surgeries I've had in the past year. I'm trying to remind myself that it was still a major surgery and I still need to be careful. Expecting results from pathology late this week or early next week, so I'll post an update when we get those. Hope everyone has a great week!
So I am home taking it easy and resting. A very hard thing for me to do! Even harder because this surgery seems like a piece of cake compared to the other surgeries I've had in the past year. I'm trying to remind myself that it was still a major surgery and I still need to be careful. Expecting results from pathology late this week or early next week, so I'll post an update when we get those. Hope everyone has a great week!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
surgery sooner than expected
The last two weeks have been pretty busy... Kimber had an appointment in Greenville with the pediatric dentist. She has had some work that we knew needed to be done, but have put it off until my health issues were more stable. The dentist felt that even though she is a great patient, with what we needed to do that it would be best to have her work done at the surgicenter and have her put to sleep. If you have followed my blog all along you know that even after all I have been through that being put to sleep is still the one thing that I fear. Of course, I fear it when it is me going under, but I REALLY didn't care for the idea of my daughter being put under. However, I decided that it would be best for her and we scheduled her surgery for this past Wednesday. Normally it would take weeks for an opening in the surgery schedule but the day we were there for her appointment they had a cancellation that allowed us to get in the next week. Thinking at the time that my next surgery would be March 13, it seemed this was all working out great to be done before I would be out of commission again. Her surgery went well and she was able to head home the same afternoon.
While in the waiting room, stressing over my daughter being put to sleep and having surgery... I get a phone call from Dr. CP's office (my ob/gyn oncology doctor), the doctor who will be doing the surgery to remove my ovaries. They have rescheduled my surgery for March 5. WHAT?!?! Guess it really was a good thing they were able to get Kimber in as quickly as they did, because with that one phone call my surgery has been moved up eight whole days. Ultimately it doesn't really make a difference. The only reason we waited until March was for insurance purposes so as long as the date stays in March, I guess the sooner I get it over with the better. This will allow me to have a little more recuperating time between this surgery and the one that will follow this one at the end of May. The surgery itself doesn't really seem to much of a concern for me but how things will be after this surgery concerns me a lot. The fact that this surgery will cause menopause and because of my history I am unable to take hormones to help with the symptoms of menopause I'm a little worried about how this is all going to go. I guess we will see! This surgery should be outpatient. So I am hoping to be home that evening. There is always a chance that they may end up having to do more than they originally thought which could change the type of surgery and the amount of time I have to stay in the hospital, but we are going to think positive. I'm not looking forward to being out of work AGAIN! I will be so glad when life is completely back to normal!! Unless there are any changes I will probably not post until surgery is over. Please continue to keep me in your prayers! Hopefully will be posting all positive things next week when I am back home!
While in the waiting room, stressing over my daughter being put to sleep and having surgery... I get a phone call from Dr. CP's office (my ob/gyn oncology doctor), the doctor who will be doing the surgery to remove my ovaries. They have rescheduled my surgery for March 5. WHAT?!?! Guess it really was a good thing they were able to get Kimber in as quickly as they did, because with that one phone call my surgery has been moved up eight whole days. Ultimately it doesn't really make a difference. The only reason we waited until March was for insurance purposes so as long as the date stays in March, I guess the sooner I get it over with the better. This will allow me to have a little more recuperating time between this surgery and the one that will follow this one at the end of May. The surgery itself doesn't really seem to much of a concern for me but how things will be after this surgery concerns me a lot. The fact that this surgery will cause menopause and because of my history I am unable to take hormones to help with the symptoms of menopause I'm a little worried about how this is all going to go. I guess we will see! This surgery should be outpatient. So I am hoping to be home that evening. There is always a chance that they may end up having to do more than they originally thought which could change the type of surgery and the amount of time I have to stay in the hospital, but we are going to think positive. I'm not looking forward to being out of work AGAIN! I will be so glad when life is completely back to normal!! Unless there are any changes I will probably not post until surgery is over. Please continue to keep me in your prayers! Hopefully will be posting all positive things next week when I am back home!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
just updating
All is still going well... have appointments in Chapel Hill tomorrow so I will be heading out today. Had a great weekend celebrating my baby girls birthday! Not looking forward to traveling with the current weather conditions :( Sorry I'm going to miss Karlene's basketball game today. Have a great week and I'll update again soon!
Friday, February 3, 2012
a different me
I'm not sure that I've told anyone this yet, but this last year has been really SCARY! Don't get me wrong ~ from the beginning God gave me a peace that I still can't quite grasp or understand, but was that peace because all would be OK? or because He would take care of what was left behind? The thought of my daughters having to grow up without me was always somewhere in the back of my mind even if I didn't let it show. I think no matter how positive we try to be, there is always self-doubt. Always these little thoughts that pop up when we least expect them, to pull us down into a dark pit. Saying "I'm fine" is not to make others believe that your world isn't falling down around you... it's to make you believe it!
This post really comes from the fact that after pondering my life over the last few weeks I realize that even though I am still me ~ I'm a different me. This past year has taught me so much about myself. The way you look at things is so different when you have faced something as scary as I have. I think you expect more out of life because you realize how precious every second is and you appreciate the time you have so much more. The hardest thing about making it through a situation and it changing your life is realizing that even though you've changed most of your life stays the same. I'm still figuring out the new me. It will take some time to put all of what has happened (and still happening) into neat little categories that I can sort and organize. Once I'm finished ~ I think the new me will be a better me!
For now I'm doing well! Still have some pain with the ovaries but it seems to come and go and is controlled with OTC meds. Life is busy ~ but I wouldn't know how to live any other way! Karlene is playing basketball and is in girl scouts. Kimber has a birthday Monday ~ she will be 5! My baby will be going off to "big" school this fall. I have been going to the gym a few times a week and plan to continue with that until my next scheduled surgery in March. Big plans for the weekend include watching the Superbowl (yes I am a huge sports fan) but as my team is not playing I haven't decided who I will be cheering for... Happy Weekend!
This post really comes from the fact that after pondering my life over the last few weeks I realize that even though I am still me ~ I'm a different me. This past year has taught me so much about myself. The way you look at things is so different when you have faced something as scary as I have. I think you expect more out of life because you realize how precious every second is and you appreciate the time you have so much more. The hardest thing about making it through a situation and it changing your life is realizing that even though you've changed most of your life stays the same. I'm still figuring out the new me. It will take some time to put all of what has happened (and still happening) into neat little categories that I can sort and organize. Once I'm finished ~ I think the new me will be a better me!
For now I'm doing well! Still have some pain with the ovaries but it seems to come and go and is controlled with OTC meds. Life is busy ~ but I wouldn't know how to live any other way! Karlene is playing basketball and is in girl scouts. Kimber has a birthday Monday ~ she will be 5! My baby will be going off to "big" school this fall. I have been going to the gym a few times a week and plan to continue with that until my next scheduled surgery in March. Big plans for the weekend include watching the Superbowl (yes I am a huge sports fan) but as my team is not playing I haven't decided who I will be cheering for... Happy Weekend!
Friday, January 20, 2012
test results
Had to call the doctors office to finally get results...
The ultrasound showed no large masses or signs of enlargement on the left ovary, which is all great. It did show signs of fibroids and cysts which is possibly the cause of the pain I have been having. The tech that performed the ultra sound never found the right ovary so the test is a little inconclusive in some respect. However, the doctor did feel that if she couldn't find it then it probably meant it wasn't enlarged so he felt that was a good sign.
Why couldn't she find it? Well, your uterus is normally what they use as there starting point to find them and because I don't have a uterus it makes locating the ovaries more difficult.
Do I still need to have surgery? Yes! Reason one: The pain that the cysts and fibroids are causing can only be helped with birth control pills, which I can't take. Reason two: At some point in the near future they would have probably been taken out anyway as a precaution because of the close link they have with genetic breast cancer. There is no good screening test for the ovaries.
For now the surgery is scheduled for March 13. The doctor felt that he didn't see anything on the ultra sound that indicated the surgery needed to be done NOW. The only thing at this point that could move the date up is the amount of discomfort that I am in. I seem to be able to keep it tolerable with OTC meds and the heating pad.
Heading to the gym while both girls are at school and then hoping to head up the road for the afternoon. Can't wait to watch some football on Sunday! Hope everyone has a fun weekend!
The ultrasound showed no large masses or signs of enlargement on the left ovary, which is all great. It did show signs of fibroids and cysts which is possibly the cause of the pain I have been having. The tech that performed the ultra sound never found the right ovary so the test is a little inconclusive in some respect. However, the doctor did feel that if she couldn't find it then it probably meant it wasn't enlarged so he felt that was a good sign.
Why couldn't she find it? Well, your uterus is normally what they use as there starting point to find them and because I don't have a uterus it makes locating the ovaries more difficult.
Do I still need to have surgery? Yes! Reason one: The pain that the cysts and fibroids are causing can only be helped with birth control pills, which I can't take. Reason two: At some point in the near future they would have probably been taken out anyway as a precaution because of the close link they have with genetic breast cancer. There is no good screening test for the ovaries.
For now the surgery is scheduled for March 13. The doctor felt that he didn't see anything on the ultra sound that indicated the surgery needed to be done NOW. The only thing at this point that could move the date up is the amount of discomfort that I am in. I seem to be able to keep it tolerable with OTC meds and the heating pad.
Heading to the gym while both girls are at school and then hoping to head up the road for the afternoon. Can't wait to watch some football on Sunday! Hope everyone has a fun weekend!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
appointment updates
A very busy week to update everyone on...
Last Friday (Jan 6th) I had an appointment with my local ob/gyn - Dr. Dwyer, because of some discomfort I started having. Three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy but he left both of my ovaries. Dr. Dwyer felt I needed to have surgery to have my ovaries removed for several reasons. First, my breast cancer diagnosis ~ breast cancer and ovarian cancer are very closely related and in circumstances where there is a genetic link there is an even greater link. Off topic for a second, my BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 (currently the only two genes that can be tested for genetic links to breast and ovarian cancer) came back inconclusive. There was a mutation on one of the genes that has only been seen about two other times so there isn't enough information to determine the relevance in my case. The genetics team that I worked with strongly felt that with my family history and the type of cancer that I had that there was a genetic component. Secondly, Dr. Dwyer thought it best to have surgery because the only solution to the pain (assuming there was nothing bad causing the pain) would have been to put me on birth control pills and any time you have breast cancer you aren't allowed to take any type of estrogen. Everything he told me up to this point I had pretty much already prepared myself for. When I was first diagnosed I decided to do everything possible to reduce the chance of a recurrence - which included prophylactic mastectomy on the right side, and removing my ovaries, I just hadn't planned on doing it this soon! The part of our conversation that day that I wasn't expecting was that he didn't want to do the surgery... WHAT?!?! Not what I was hoping to hear! His reasoning however made perfect sense ~ because they would have to approach this surgery as the ovaries were being removed because of cancer he felt the surgery should be done by a specialist at UNC. At this point we still don't know why I am having pain.
So Wednesday and Thursday were both spent at the cancer hospital at UNC. The first day I had my first appointment with the plastic surgeon. Lots of information to take in that day. The two main possibilities for reconstruction are implants or tissue flaps. Tissue flaps are when they take tissue and muscle from another part of your body, usually the abdomen, thighs or buttocks, and make a new breast. The possible problem for me to have any surgery is the fact that my skin on the left has been radiated. Even though from the outside the skin looks pretty normal now there are microscopic changes under the skin that make any surgery more difficult. While thinking over Christmas I had pretty much decided that I really didn't want to do the tissue flap unless there was no other option. Well, after seeing the surgeon I'm glad that is the way I was leaning because I'm not a good candidate for that type of surgery. Most people who have the tissue flap surgery have the tissue and muscle removed from one or possibly two areas but I don't have enough in even two places so it would require probably taking from at least three different areas. Thank goodness Dr. Lee didn't feel that was a great option! So the only other way for me to have reconstruction would be to have implants placed. This is a little more complicated than usual as well. The radiated skin on the left makes it difficult to do this surgery without using a tissue flap from your back to give you more skin and muscle to hold the implant. Notice I said more difficult but not impossible. Dr. Lee is willing to try this surgery without a tissue flap from the back if I choose to do so. There is a high risk that it may not work, which would put us back to square one. So for the left side I have to decide whether I want to give expanding the tissue for an implant and not taking the flap from the back or if I want to just go ahead and do the surgery with the flap from the back. There are some things that weigh with either option... doing the flap from the back can cause you to loose some of the use of the arm on that side permanently. Whether you include the tissue flap in this surgery can also mean the difference in symmetry and size of your final result. The surgeon would like to give my left side about six months from when I finished radiation before we do the surgery so I have some time to decide about the tissue flap. What we do know for sure is the first surgery will include my general oncology surgeon coming in to do the mastectomy on the right, and then the plastic surgeon will be placing tissue expanders on both sides (the left either with or without the tissue flap from the back). After you are healed, the expanders will have to be "filled" about every three weeks through a port in the expander under your skin. This process takes about three months. At the end of the fill process there is a final surgery to remove the expanders and to place the final implants. There are risks involved with having implants placed but as I'm not comfortable with not having any type of reconstruction for right now this is my only option. Having no problems at all would be ideal, but what I am hoping is that this option will last until they come up with another option later down the road.
My appointment Thursday was with the specialist that Dr. Dwyer referred me to ~ Dr. Clark-Pearson. Dr. CP concurred with Dr. Dwyer in that he felt we needed to go ahead and do surgery to remove the ovaries. He was concerned however that I was having pain. They sent me over to have an ultrasound done and we are still waiting on the results of that. As soon as I hear from them I will keep everyone posted. The surgery date will depend on what the ultrasound shows. I'm hoping for March as this would maximise my insurance benefits, but am prepared for it to be much sooner if the ultrasound results show something that can't wait. Dr. CP is a little concerned about the after math of a surgery like this for a woman my age. This surgery will put me into pre-menopause. Normally not too big of a deal they would just prescribe hormones and that would be the end of it, but for me the hormone replacement won't be an option because of my history of breast cancer. This is something that he, my medical oncologist and I will need to look at more closely to see if there is an alternative that may work for me and my situation. So for now we are waiting on results.
I know this post is full of information. This is all stuff that has been going on for a few weeks, but I wanted to wait to post it until I could answer as many questions that I had as possible. Please keep the results of the ultrasound in your prayers, as well as me and the decisions that I will be faced with in the next few months. Off to enjoy my weekend! Going to try yoga for the first time! Happy weekend everyone!
Last Friday (Jan 6th) I had an appointment with my local ob/gyn - Dr. Dwyer, because of some discomfort I started having. Three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy but he left both of my ovaries. Dr. Dwyer felt I needed to have surgery to have my ovaries removed for several reasons. First, my breast cancer diagnosis ~ breast cancer and ovarian cancer are very closely related and in circumstances where there is a genetic link there is an even greater link. Off topic for a second, my BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 (currently the only two genes that can be tested for genetic links to breast and ovarian cancer) came back inconclusive. There was a mutation on one of the genes that has only been seen about two other times so there isn't enough information to determine the relevance in my case. The genetics team that I worked with strongly felt that with my family history and the type of cancer that I had that there was a genetic component. Secondly, Dr. Dwyer thought it best to have surgery because the only solution to the pain (assuming there was nothing bad causing the pain) would have been to put me on birth control pills and any time you have breast cancer you aren't allowed to take any type of estrogen. Everything he told me up to this point I had pretty much already prepared myself for. When I was first diagnosed I decided to do everything possible to reduce the chance of a recurrence - which included prophylactic mastectomy on the right side, and removing my ovaries, I just hadn't planned on doing it this soon! The part of our conversation that day that I wasn't expecting was that he didn't want to do the surgery... WHAT?!?! Not what I was hoping to hear! His reasoning however made perfect sense ~ because they would have to approach this surgery as the ovaries were being removed because of cancer he felt the surgery should be done by a specialist at UNC. At this point we still don't know why I am having pain.
So Wednesday and Thursday were both spent at the cancer hospital at UNC. The first day I had my first appointment with the plastic surgeon. Lots of information to take in that day. The two main possibilities for reconstruction are implants or tissue flaps. Tissue flaps are when they take tissue and muscle from another part of your body, usually the abdomen, thighs or buttocks, and make a new breast. The possible problem for me to have any surgery is the fact that my skin on the left has been radiated. Even though from the outside the skin looks pretty normal now there are microscopic changes under the skin that make any surgery more difficult. While thinking over Christmas I had pretty much decided that I really didn't want to do the tissue flap unless there was no other option. Well, after seeing the surgeon I'm glad that is the way I was leaning because I'm not a good candidate for that type of surgery. Most people who have the tissue flap surgery have the tissue and muscle removed from one or possibly two areas but I don't have enough in even two places so it would require probably taking from at least three different areas. Thank goodness Dr. Lee didn't feel that was a great option! So the only other way for me to have reconstruction would be to have implants placed. This is a little more complicated than usual as well. The radiated skin on the left makes it difficult to do this surgery without using a tissue flap from your back to give you more skin and muscle to hold the implant. Notice I said more difficult but not impossible. Dr. Lee is willing to try this surgery without a tissue flap from the back if I choose to do so. There is a high risk that it may not work, which would put us back to square one. So for the left side I have to decide whether I want to give expanding the tissue for an implant and not taking the flap from the back or if I want to just go ahead and do the surgery with the flap from the back. There are some things that weigh with either option... doing the flap from the back can cause you to loose some of the use of the arm on that side permanently. Whether you include the tissue flap in this surgery can also mean the difference in symmetry and size of your final result. The surgeon would like to give my left side about six months from when I finished radiation before we do the surgery so I have some time to decide about the tissue flap. What we do know for sure is the first surgery will include my general oncology surgeon coming in to do the mastectomy on the right, and then the plastic surgeon will be placing tissue expanders on both sides (the left either with or without the tissue flap from the back). After you are healed, the expanders will have to be "filled" about every three weeks through a port in the expander under your skin. This process takes about three months. At the end of the fill process there is a final surgery to remove the expanders and to place the final implants. There are risks involved with having implants placed but as I'm not comfortable with not having any type of reconstruction for right now this is my only option. Having no problems at all would be ideal, but what I am hoping is that this option will last until they come up with another option later down the road.
My appointment Thursday was with the specialist that Dr. Dwyer referred me to ~ Dr. Clark-Pearson. Dr. CP concurred with Dr. Dwyer in that he felt we needed to go ahead and do surgery to remove the ovaries. He was concerned however that I was having pain. They sent me over to have an ultrasound done and we are still waiting on the results of that. As soon as I hear from them I will keep everyone posted. The surgery date will depend on what the ultrasound shows. I'm hoping for March as this would maximise my insurance benefits, but am prepared for it to be much sooner if the ultrasound results show something that can't wait. Dr. CP is a little concerned about the after math of a surgery like this for a woman my age. This surgery will put me into pre-menopause. Normally not too big of a deal they would just prescribe hormones and that would be the end of it, but for me the hormone replacement won't be an option because of my history of breast cancer. This is something that he, my medical oncologist and I will need to look at more closely to see if there is an alternative that may work for me and my situation. So for now we are waiting on results.
I know this post is full of information. This is all stuff that has been going on for a few weeks, but I wanted to wait to post it until I could answer as many questions that I had as possible. Please keep the results of the ultrasound in your prayers, as well as me and the decisions that I will be faced with in the next few months. Off to enjoy my weekend! Going to try yoga for the first time! Happy weekend everyone!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
a few weeks thinking...
Life is good! Actually life is great! Love being back to work and having a normal routine. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Sorry I missed posting over the Holidays ~ I took the time to try to clear my head and not think too much on all that has gone on over the last year, except of course to be very thankful for God's grace, mercy and strength! Never far from my mind is the fact that things could have turned out very different.
My appointments the week before Christmas didn't go quite as planned... the most important one (plastic surgeon) was out of the office and no one called to reschedule :( I can't really say it was a wasted trip to Chapel Hill, as I did get to see my radiation oncologist and he was pleased with the healing that had occurred as far as my skin was concerned. Yesterday I finally got the date for my rescheduled appointment with the plastic surgeon and that will be next week. Hopefully she will be able to point me in a final direction. Up to this point there seems to be a few options, none of which I am very pleased with!! Will discuss this more in detail after my appointment next week.
Hope everyone has a great weekend! Karlene has her first basketball game of the season! A big thank you to everyone that has been keeping up with me, praying for me, and thinking about me ~ I wouldn't have made it through all of this without all the wonderful support!
My appointments the week before Christmas didn't go quite as planned... the most important one (plastic surgeon) was out of the office and no one called to reschedule :( I can't really say it was a wasted trip to Chapel Hill, as I did get to see my radiation oncologist and he was pleased with the healing that had occurred as far as my skin was concerned. Yesterday I finally got the date for my rescheduled appointment with the plastic surgeon and that will be next week. Hopefully she will be able to point me in a final direction. Up to this point there seems to be a few options, none of which I am very pleased with!! Will discuss this more in detail after my appointment next week.
Hope everyone has a great weekend! Karlene has her first basketball game of the season! A big thank you to everyone that has been keeping up with me, praying for me, and thinking about me ~ I wouldn't have made it through all of this without all the wonderful support!
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