seven months...

Tomorrow marks seven months since the phone call that would forever change my life and the life of my family. So many emotions are running through me as I write this entry. I never thought of myself as being a weak person but sitting here typing I look back and wonder exactly what I was before cancer. You see, I'm not really the kind of person to "toot" my own horn, but I realize as I reminisce over the past seven months that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. Don't get me wrong ~ it has not all been smooth sailing. In the last seven months I have had four surgeries, four months of chemo, almost four weeks of radiation (and still over two weeks to go), several other procedures, and countless tests, scans, and labs. Even half of which would be enough to test a person's sanity. Not that I'm claiming to be sane, that is still questionable I'm sure. During this "bump in the road" there have been times that I have cried, questioned, gotten mad and angry, let it all out and kept it all in. But there have also been times that I have smiled, laughed, and been blessed beyond belief. I have not walked this rocky, mountainous road alone, and all the wonderful blessing that have come out of it are because of my family, friends, an awesome community, and my faith in God.

What a better time to reflect on the blessing than the month of November when we have Thanksgiving?? Of course there are too many blessing to actually name them all, but I think there are a few that are worth stating. My family ~ my husband, my daughters, my parents, grandparents (on earth and in heaven), my sister and her family, aunts and uncles and cousins (way too many to name!!), my co-workers (who are really an extension of family), and friends. I am also thankful and blessed for the community that has rallied around me and my family in so many ways. All the prayers, thoughts, good wishes, cards, and financial support is appreciated more than I could ever express. Thank you!! I am lastly thankful for the team of doctors, nurses, techs, and other important people in the medical field that have been in charge of my care. I have no doubt that God put each and every one of them in the exact place, at the exact time that their lives collided with mine.

Writing this blog has been such a great experience for me. Kind of like writing all the details down make them more real. I try to write in the most honest way possible. What I am feeling and when I am feeling it. Since radiation has started I have fallen into a bit of a routine so it doesn't seem there is as much to relay, but it helps to clear my mind when I recount even the most mundane of my weeks details. In the future I will be able to look back and realize that I actually lived all of this stuff that I write each week. It all seems like a dream that you are trying to wake up from. Maybe a defense mechanism ~ but it seems as if my mind shuts itself off from the rest of my body. That the physical changes that have occurred don't get processed through my brain. I can see them with my eyes but my mind doesn't accept or acknowledge that the changes are really happening. That may be the only way you are able to live with them (and thankfully most of the physical changes are only temporary!).

So how has week four of chapel hill been? We went trick or treating Monday night with a family friend and her children. An especially nice treat considering I used to babysit for her when she lived in Hatteras. Radiation has been a little challenging. The computer still doesn't want to cooperate, which means that treatments are having to be done the old fashioned way. It takes about an hour instead of 10 - 15 minutes. Not that I really care because my day consists only of taking Kimber to school, going to treatment and then picking her up again. I think the techs are more frustrated then I am. My skin is starting to show the signs that it is being hammered with high doses of radiation on a daily basis. Thank goodness that is temporary and will heal once I am all done. Kimber is still enjoying school and really liking her new friends and teachers.

The girls had a really nice time at the pageant this past weekend. What a special honor to be recognized for being an inspiration to others! I hope that my girls are as proud of me as I am of them. They, along with all the other girls rocked the stage! So off we go to continue to Keep the Ballance...