one step forward ~ two steps back

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.     Kurt Vonnegut 
I'm quite sure that it is normal for frustration and exhaustion to both be part of the healing process. At least that is what I'm going to keep telling myself! The physical and mental exhaustion I can handle because over time I know it will get better. It is still tiresome to get out and do much of anything, but it has only been a little over two weeks. The frustration ~ now that's a different story. You see, before this surgery I spent weeks painfully trying to recover the use of my left arm. The previous surgery caused scar tissue and nerve/muscle damage to the point that it was painful to straighten my arm or lift it hardly at all. I was successful! Throughout the process of recovering the use of that arm I worried what the outcome would be after the next surgery. Well, now I know! The mobility is limited even more than it was before the agonizing weeks of torture. I have already started on the exercises,heat,cold, and massage that will hopefully allow me to once again regain complete mobility of my arm. But it is PAINFUL! Of course, it doesn't help that when you get up in the morning you feel as though all you accomplished the day before has been completely wiped out. Always trying to be positive, I know that I could be in worse shape, and I am way to stubborn to let a little pain get in the way of being able to do the things that I love to do! So for a few weeks (possibly months) I will be slowly making progress and smiling through the pain :)

A possible second step back is that fluid has started to build-up around the incision. From everything that I have read, it seems that unless it gets to be uncomfortable the doctors prefer to give the body a chance to reabsorb the fluid because inserting a needle to drain it could cause infection. I am not certain what affect if any this has on being able to start radiation treatments, but will find out at my visit this week.

So not everything is going in the wrong direction ~ I am spending this lazy Sunday afternoon watching my favorite team play football, while I referee the constant spat of siblings. Can't imagine being anywhere else! Even though to most it would not be much to brag about ~ there is hair growth! Not even sure there is a measurement for this small an amount but it is more than it was!

Appointments this week with the surgeon for a second follow-up and with the radiation oncologist to find out how long I will have to have radiation treatments. So here's to hoping that the ferries are able to run! The price we pay to live on paradise!

Speaking of living on paradise... I would like to say a huge "THANK YOU" to Conner's Supermarket!! Every time that I have been in to shop since my surgery the employees have bagged my groceries, put them in the cart, and taken them to my car! We are truly blessed to have a business with such hometown kindness!! Thank you again to the Conner's family!!